Jimmicane’s Passion Picks: 2014 Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach

posted by / ASP / April 15, 2014

passion picks bellsJimmicane’s 2014 Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach Passion Picks.

Welcome to Torquay. Actually, it’s Jan Juc. Either way, it’s the last stop on an incredibly long WCT stint in Australia. This place is cool and all, but having an $800 bill for internet kind of kills the vibe. Watch how fast the competitors area clears as people start to lose. It’ll be a ghost town by the semis — but there are a lot of things that are going to happen between now and then. A lot of big wins. A couple heinous losses. And probably some surprises. Let’s get to it!

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The Elite

Nat Young

Yeah, yeah, yeah…go with the popular pick after his dream run last year. Well, did you watch last year? This wave is tailor-made for Natty boy. I believe this kid will ring that bell multiple times in his career. I believe it should start now. And I believe we are going vert if it does.

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Joel Parkinson

The thing that trips me out about Parko is that he rarely seems to push the limits on his turns. They’re beautiful, but the judges suck him off so hard that he never has to risk going 100%. It’s annoying. The plan for Bells will be: Catch the best waves, connect carves at 80% of his potential, and make sure to FINISH THE WAVE! A heat win will follow unless he gets severely unlucky or someone decides to go ape-shit on him like Raoni did last year. No chance in hell Parko drops out of this event early for the second straight year.

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I’m cautious of picking…

Josh Kerr

Did you see how devastated he looked after the loss to Michel? Most people would wonder why he was so bummed. Second place ain’t so bad. But Kerrzy is a smart man, and this smart man just turned 30. That was his 2nd final appearance ever and he knows how good these younger kids surf. He knows how hard it is to make it to a final, and he knows that was probably his best chance to win one. It was a chance at $100k, and according to an interview in our latest magazine, a chance for his missus to allow another baby. We could be looking at a hangover result here.

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The Grinders

Jordy Smith

I get it, Jordy is a walking underachiever when it comes to WCT events. But eventually he’s just going to plow bitches over with his superior ability on a surfboard. Maybe I’ll swim out and yell shit at him like, “Hey Jordy, YOU HAVE PRIORITY! Catch a fuckin wave!” He might just need some reassurance from old Coach Jimmikanga.

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Mick Fanning

Mick Fanning in the grinders bracket? Pleaaaaase. If you don’t have him on your team, good luck to you.

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CJ Hobgood

My single favorite heat of 2013 was Damo vs CJ at pumping Bells. Brothers often get competitive, but that was something else. That was surf rage. You could lip-read the cursing straight off the webcast. They both pushed each other’s surfing to new heights in the process. I now know the key to get CJ fired up to surf a heat: Make him pissed off at the opponent. My current plan is to hi-jack competitors’ iPhones and text CJ some shit talking. That, or write asshole notes and stick them in his locker signing his upcoming opponent’s name on it.

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Taj Burrow

I keep telling myself not to do this, but here I am doing it again. I just watched Taj practice and he reminded me to put him back on Passion Picks even though he sucked at Margaret’s. He flung a crazy tail waft on that terrible inside section at Bells where people usually struggle to land a reo, and it lead me to replace Owen Wright with good old TB.

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I’m cautious of picking…

John John Florence

He’s only on 12% of ASP fantasy teams right now and that would suggest the people are losing faith in Johnathan. Why are they losing faith? It might have to do with the recent lack of edits — you know, the ones that used to constantly remind us that Johnny ain’t nothin to fuck with. Another idea is the fact that John’s surfing above the lip doesn’t fit the Bells Bowl and his turns aren’t especially amazing at this point, though they are steadily improving.

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The Strugglers and Wilds

Jeremy Flores

I don’t have much to say about Jeremy other than that he’s got a great tan and is scary good at Teahupo’o. He’s been pretty unimpressive other than that, but his dip down into The Strugglers bracket has the Frenchy’s stock rising quickly on ASP Fantasy teams.

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Brett Simpson

Brett’s drowning and people are stepping on his head. I’ll admit that this is not a safe pick, but there’s nothing fun about being safe. Brett just needs a boost of confidence and I’m going to give him one here by choosing him for my all-important Passion Picks. He’s gotten a 9th here before. You got this Brett. It’s just like the Lowers right… except a lot shittier.

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I’m cautious of picking…

Travis Logie

Reports are that he was in the grocery store buying a large bottle of water and one box of cereal. Seems as though Logie doesn’t plan on being here for too long. That or maybe he just likes to eat out?

Pick your own team and see how your fare against surf fans world wide by clicking here: http://mct.fantasy.aspworldtour.com/

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  • Collin

    I completely agree with you about Parko being overscored Jimmy. I’ve been really surprised by some of his scores. I thought his scores at the Box were pretty high, especially compared to Kerr’s barrels and Felipe’s.

    Haha, coach JimmiKanga…I like the idea of that. Brett Simpson could probably use some pre-heat psych ups from coach Jimmikanga. Brett is obviously super talented and I could easily see him in the top 10, but he continuously underperforms pretty severely. He’s also not really in favor with the judges…but he needs to show them some flash.

  • jim samuels

    Dead on with the parko comment. I’d venture to say he surfs at well below 80% of his potential but the judges are just swallowing his nuts so hard all he has to do is go straight to get the score.

    Did anyone else notice how f-ed up the fantasy scoring is on the asp site? It’s based on surfer’s heat totals not how far they make it. So Bede had a higher total event score than michel who won the event. Something’s not right about that.

  • alex

    and medina as number 1 on tour and surfing better than ever does not make the list?! weird.

  • Jerry

    Kerz needs $100K to have another baby? Something isn’t right about that.

  • anyone

    fantasy sports is like masturbation except for the pleasure aspect.

    useless conjecture is more like it.

    for all you mouth breathers, Kelly will win this contest. agreed, Parko will be overscored for his safety, Mick will push every turn and Taj will look good until he has a shocker.

    Taj will join Jordy wondering how they lost another heat when Jimmicane promised them more.

    Nat young? Nope, not enough lip and his cut backs aren’t crisp.

    Brett is definitive proof of my idea to reduce the field to 16. dude belongs on the QS with all the other san clemente underacheiver…. yes, you Chloe.

    darkhorses? is that the new term for brazzo’s? why not adrian again or medina?

    now if the connie moves to winki, the whole deck can be shuffled and the sun could shine on Nat young.

    best heat in memory at Bells…. Bobby the great V Taj in form… EPIC!

    this tour needs Bobby.

  • Michael Taylor

    How are you affording all these guys?

  • Mik

    thnx 2 all for some very funny shit. Jimmicane: u’ve arrived. all: the surfer mind is a wild and free thang. LMFAO

  • Piper

    So I have two questions here:

    If someone does three amazingly radical maneuvers on a wave, then falls on their fourth maneuver, would they get scored less than if they just stuck to the three amazing maneuvers and then kicked out? Doesn’t seem to make sense, but I have always thought that would be the case and/or how that works.

    I also want to comment and ask a question about Parko’s turns. He seems to slide at the end of every turn, is it me or does that make what would have been a major power turn (like Jordy) look weak and light-footed (like Felipe)?

    Comments welcome and appreciated!

  • Andrew Koretsky

    I do not feel reduced to offer a Jordy will win. life is good.
    Please have surfer edit comments.

  • Jimmicane

    @Piper I think it depends on the wave and what’s left of it. For instance, Michel fell on a terrible section that was heading straight onto dry reef. He had already absolutely hammered the wave up to that point and it didn’t have much scoring potential left. If he was on a wave like jbay that reeled down the line and allowed for three more sections but fell and didn’t get to them, he would’ve gotten taxed on it and wouldn’t have gotten a 9+ but it still would’ve been high because he obliterated the first bit.

    Parko is more finesse than Jordy. He’s got power but doesn’t push himself like Jordy does.

  • masniffur

    is Kelly hurt or something? he has to be a threat at any contest site…

  • anyone

    love how jimmicane defends ASP judging…

    invalidates everything you write, corporate “minutes’ taker.

    i realize all of you earn a living promoting less, but it should be less obvious

    until you critique Parko for not pushing things…

    because lack of creativity only relates to the athletes, not the scribes.

    pffftttt…..

  • Killinitsoftly

    5/ in a nut shell..BB Bali Bobby !
    Ps.. Gluck fanny

  • Jimmicane

    @anyone I’m very vocal about ASP judging and it’s serious flaws. Have been forever. They used to score double grabs as real airs. They flailed on Mick vs Yadin at Pipe. They raped Jacob Wilcox today in a heat that should’ve never been put out in the water anyways. I was in the surfer’s area and many of them were laughing at what a joke it was. If you think Kelly should’ve beat Michel in the last comp though, you’re just simply wrong.