School Is Out

posted by / Blogs, Editorial / June 28, 2011

 

And I am sitting on my veranda at the St. Regis in Nusa Dua, Bali. A warm wind gently tickles and carries with it a cover of Minnie Riperton’s “Loving You” sung by a Balinese woman in the restaurant. Loving you is easy because you’re beautiful. Making love with you is all I want to do.

Today was spent surfing at Bingin on a Damien Hobgood pintail loaned me by Nathan Myers. I surf lefts better because of it. And the day before was spent surfing at Canggu.

 


The waves of Indonesia are generally too good for instructional purposes. After all, one does not attend culinary school at a Michelin starred restaurant. Photo: Nate Lawrence

 

Canggu is a dreamy wave. So perfect. So just perfect.

But.

There were multiple surf schools in the water at the same time. Choking the peak with German and with kook. Now, and again, I am a capitalist. I appreciate not only the local Balinese drive to gather their Rupiah but also the Rupiah, and dollar, and Euro and Kroner that are infused into our industry with the purchase of boardshorts and wax and Globe Motleys. Amazing.

But.

Our industry should clearly define the surf-school-allowed waves. And one of those is not Canggu. It is too perfect. So I shall designate, as surf school zones:

 

  • Oceanside (California, USA)
  • Pismo Beach (California, USA)
  • Waikiki (Hawaii, USA)
  • Texas (USA)
  • The United States of America’s Eastern Seaboard minus North Carolina (East Coast, USA)
  • The state of Victoria (Australia)
  • Puerto Rico’s Rincon (Puerto Rico)
  • Bali’s Kuta Beach (Indonesia)
  • Great Britain (Scotland, England, Wales and part of Ireland)
  • Ireland (Ireland)
  • Any river wave or tidal bores (Germany, Africa)

 

Surf school students, go learn our art! Have fun! Buy OAM leashes!

All other surfers? You’re welcome.

I shall be in the Hamptons for 4th of July, celebrating freedom and not surfing since I shall be in a designated surf school zone. More time for seersucker.

God bless the USA. God bless surfing. —Chas Smith

 

 

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  • Earl of Sandwich

    Buy OAM leashes? I would buy only one so I could hang you with it, you moron.

  • shawn

    This guy kills it. Everyone always babbles about how they don’t understand where he’s going or what he’s saying, but the all these tongue in cheek pieces, lush with blatant admittance of enjoyed decadence around the world are hilarious. Keep it goin Chas

  • the king

    OAM? You mean the leashes and traction pads that last “Only A Month”…hence the name OAM.

  • sd, cali

    Ireland seems like a good place to learn… ever heard of fergal smith u idiot

  • lieon

    “choking the peak with…” fucking arragont!

  • Kevan

    This guy Chas needs to go back to English class and learn to write. Or at least get somebody to proofread his work.

  • Alex

    You were probably taking lessons yourself kook.

  • Barry

    i too have surfed better on a borrowed board from someone that surfed better than me, not damien hobgood or anything – but for some reason this did not give me the urge to proclaim my capitalist tendencies or bash surf schools that are a natural consequence of the overexposure i get in a frothy about. you’re about as decadent as a fruity dessert and that’s exactly how they try to sell fruity desserts these days. thanks shawn :P

  • Jay

    nothing gets more fruity then barry manilow.

  • Steve Shearer

    Only Victoria in Aus?

    Have you never heard of Byron Bay you poor provincial?

  • Skud

    Pretty much every surf zone on earth has waves for beginners and advanced surfers alike, usually within close proximity to each other. My suggestion is that every surf school on earth should take their students wherever Chas Smith is surfing at any given time. Awww, little Chassy is upset because some mean surf school guy pushed some Germans out into his perfect Canggu and ruined his little trip to Bali? Seriously Chas, how you get paid for this crap is way beyond me. Bangin’ the editor? No wait, he’s bangin’ you? Trade a little Chas Smith mangina to get your “work” published? Nuthin’ wrong with that, we’re all whores in one way or another. Just ask your mom. She ain’t what she used to be though, it’s been like bodyboarding at Teahupoo ever since she pushed your massive head out of that once pristine tunnel of thick lipped goodness. Just a horizontal tube of meat inside a schoolbus-sized cavern of eye-stinging liquid.

  • JP

    Chas, what is with you’re hatred with the East Coast? Not sure if you’ve noticed, but there are waves and local surfers that are run nearly every issue in Surfing, even full articles and spreads about swell here? I guess you’re too busy sipping Latte’s and planning out your outfit to actually come out here and get swell. You’d rather rub elbows with socialites in the Hamptons.
    Do yourself a favor and book a flight in another month or sack up and put a suit with a hood and get shacked. It was good enough for AI to stop here so it should be good enough for you.

  • Bobby

    Good ol’ Chas, always stirring the boiling pot with a genuine Moreschi leather wingtip. Lovin’ it.

  • shorepound

    Let me know next time you’re in Rincon, please! I’ll show you a good time and introduce you to some of the locals. You’ll love it.

  • a brit

    The glut of people in the sea, driven by the demise of our counter culture and the currently squeaky clean happy family sport surf is portrayed to be is to blame for this no matter where your are in the world. I note your point and personally miss the days of drug and alcohol fuelled parties, wild arrogance, aggression, subversion and the middle finger in our sport. How bland and full of normal ‘cool’ people it has become. However to put the whole of the UK and Ireland in this list as a place for those fuckwits to invade is rather small minded for an supposedly international mag. I acknowledge that much of GB and Ireland consists of fat shitty beach breaks full of idiots most of the year however GB, notably the north east of the UK, Scotland and Ireland, does have some waves to rival any where in the world. Your magazine and many others have featured them on your pages over the years or have you only surfed for a few years since it became corporately cool?

    Alternatively are you doing us brits a favour and by letting your largely kook filled reader ship right off the UK because you said it was shit. As I suspect they all think they rip they wont entertain this list and will invade your spot to be cool with you whilst we enjoy our windy cold perfect barrels in peace without some prick who is combining a surf trip with tracing his ancestory dropping in cos he ‘rips’, talking to loud in the line up and asking if we new his great aunt in amongst our 60million population?

  • Richard Licker

    I looove Chas!! I met him one night at Ripples in Long Beach and we discuused fashion and drank appletinis. he looked so hot in his man chaps!! keep up the good work you sexy bitch.

    Love,
    Big Richard

  • Jeff

    Haha, his name is Dick Licker.

    PS. I hate you Chas Smith.

  • anom

    For how much a dislike (hate) Chas’ writing style, I have to give you credit for the Andy Irons piece in the mag. It was well done, best article on AI that I have read.

  • Barry

    Oh Jay, you’re just so… gay :|

    @anom – It would be the best article you’d ever read on AI if you could actually relate to being in AI’s exclusive club, but you can’t – so I guess you’ll have to just have to be happy pretending to get it and pulling waterboy duty on Chas’ blog.

  • bitch

    what is the point of this article

  • Larry

    What more would you expect from a Jew!

  • Peter

    haha the st regis? i make you look poor!!

  • Barry

    @Larry – ask Chas he’s the cutting edge tres super cool fascist undercover agent extraordinaire. In fact he’s so undercover he’s not even Jewish.