Jimmicane’s Passion Picks: Billabong Rio Pro 2013

posted by / Blogs / May 7, 2013

Passion Picks Billabong Rio Pro

I’m going all Brazilian and then some this time! It might be the shittiest team ever. YOLO. —Jimmicane
 

Adriano de Souza
My forecast calls for a severe claim storm all through this waiting period. It’s going to be pissing claims and after a month-long drought between events, judges will be enjoying this weather. Expect a category 5 hurri-claim from this dude in particular. Adriano should win the event, make it two in a row, and really piss off this next guy…
 

Gabriel Medina
I have reason to believe Gabriel hates Adriano. Most Brazilians stick together and cheer for each other. Not these guys. Did you see the celebration after Bells? Medina was the only Brazzo not on the Adriano party train. It’s unclear if these feelings are shared by de Souza, but it is clear he wants to be the first to win a world title for his country — just as much as Gabriel. Could this be the poor man’s version of A.I. vs. Kelly? We certainly hope so.

(I just received some inside info from a source on the beach in Rio. Medina is looking “very hurt” and “struggling.” You will not want to pick him for this event. I still will because my picks are whatever I feel like, but you people should be smart and pick up Julian instead. I hear he’s putting on a clinic. Gabriel also hates Julian…remember Portugal? How about the snap case in Hawaii last winter?)
 

Alejo Muniz
Alejo has one of the hottest chicks on tour. She will most certainly be there for this event and that is a big advantage. What brings better vibes than having a smoking hot chick? Pretty much, almost nothing. Even Jason Collins (The former Washington Wizard, not Jason “Ratboy” Collins) would probably agree with this and he is gay. You can’t argue with hot chicks. Ever. Even if you’re gay.
 

Filipe Toledo
The only thing as big as this guy’s airs is probably his head. Seriously, why is his noggin so humongous? Imagine if his body grows into that werewolf head! He might turn into a real threat to Adriano and Medina. At that point, Medina would have to start hating him too, especially after he got smoked in round 3 at Bells by Filipe. Fact of the matter is, this guy may be the best aerialist on tour when John John is hurt, and airs go well in this event. Along with the ultimate maneuver —a floater.
 

Miguel Pupo
Mr. Smooth. This has to be my favorite Brazilian to watch surf. He’s got a cool style and word is that he’s back healthy from the high ankle sprain. My inside source said he could’ve surfed Bells but wanted to make sure he was 100% before he came back. Well, he’s 100% now. Also has a hot Brazilian girlfriend. Good vibes!
 

Raoni Monteiro
You didn’t see that coming did you? Who bet on Raoni to take down Parko at pumping Bells Bowl? Doubtful anyone with a fully functioning brain, but I did. Had him on Passion Picks for the last event, and although my picks are typically terrible, even a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes. I’ll stick with the Raoni train because I’m picking every Brazilian possible here but I really doubt he actually pulls another upset like that.

 
Kolohe Andino
Well damn it, I ran out of Brazilians and I still had money left so I’ll take a flyer on Brother here. My reasoning stems from the fact that he surfs places like Rivies in San Clemente and Salt Creek. These are some of the worst beach breaks ever. If you can rip out there, you should have no problem in similarly bad Rio de Janeiro.

 
Nat Young
Look at this guy. He’s got crazy confidence and those feet stick to Fu Wax like a rat on sticky paper. He’d have to bite his own leg off to fall. Rookie of the Year, here Nat comes!

P.S. Where the hell did they get that headshot of Nat?
 

 
Other random tidbits from my source
Jack Freestone is the Billabong Wildcard and looks in form.
Mick Fanning also killing in freesurfs.
Yadin Nicol could be a nice, cheap pickup if it’s bigger barrels. Got the two best waves yesterday by far.
Adriano is on fire.

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10 Responses to “Jimmicane’s Passion Picks: Billabong Rio Pro 2013”

  1. Jimmy Johnson says:

    Talking about prejudice, this ain’t fun no more…

  2. Bianca Agostini says:

    This publish is the most ridiculous ever! Talking shit of brazilian surfers, and in my opinion this is jealous cause we won Bells Beach.
    Gabriel doesnt hates Adriano, we are a family here, the famous Brazilian Storm! We are always supporting our friends. And talking about Alejos girlfriend is not polite you know.
    I hate this text and I think a great magazine like this cant do that.

  3. Lighten Up says:

    Funniest thing since Lewis Samuels. If you are offended then you’re taking yourself much too seriously

  4. Nat's Friend says:

    Yeah…Nat’s mug shot is hilarious! He looks like he is 12 years old, when in fact he is 15. Bianca, Brazilians got lucky at Bells. Won’t win a contest again this year. Medina is a wounded puppy. He should go back to the QS with his little mommy and poppy.

  5. Kasey says:

    This is one of the most incredible things I have ever read on SurfingMagazine.com

    Jimmicane is the man

  6. Makos says:

    so good!!

  7. Bianca Agostini says:

    To Nat’s Friend… Where r u from? Im sorry but we are the best country when its about surf. We have the best new generation.
    You dont understand love and care, cause u live in a warmless country. We put our families first of all and this is beautiful, im sure of that. Thats why medina is always with his parents.
    I prefer my country a thousand times! At least we dont put down other countries cause we think we are the besties. We help all the world as one nation, without walls.
    I LOVE BRAZIL AND BRAZILIAN STORM!!!!!

  8. IsoscelesTriangle says:

    Chas Smith, wherever you are, eat your heart out.

  9. Gerard says:

    “You can’t argue with hot chicks. Ever. Even if you’re gay.”

    Holy fuck, #truth

  10. Sissy says:

    I didn’t know Alejo Muniz is gay! You mean, like Matt Wilkinson?

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