The Dunkin’ Donuts sign at our subway stop says: “6 Donuts $3.99. Make New Friends.” I love donuts. I love a lot of things. I love horses. I love America. I love texting. I love when people who love sports but don’t really play sports say things at their television like, “Not in my house!” and, “That’s what I’m talking about.” It makes me wanna be a winner. I love friends. Friends are important. I like when I make new friends. Here are some of the new friends we’ve made in New York City:
Lenard Smith
This is Lenard Smith. He’s a photographer from San Diego. I saw Lenard about six years ago at Lou’s Records in San Diego where he used to work, although neither of us remembered this. I was jealous of his hat collection back then and I still am now. I do not recommend jealousy. I would ask Lenard things like, “Hey, which Johnny Thunders album is the best?” And he would say, “L.A.M.F. is killer, son!”
Lenard loves boogie boarding. He can recite all kinds of useless boogie knowledge and is always talking about getting “barreled.” He’s a reggae expert and dabbles in DJ-ing. He has 1 bazillion records. He’s an amazing photographer and only shoots film. He’s self-taught and graduated with his Master’s degree in photography without having his Bachelor’s. They let him skip that shit ’cause he’s a badass. His photography website is Lenardsmith.com. Lenard Smith is also charming.
Mac Huelster
This is our nice handsome friend, Mac. He is a champion — a real winner. Mac has a very interesting story to tell. One time he told it to me.
“I got circumcised at age 5…and I remember it.” His mom took him to Target afterward and told him he could get whatever he wanted. Mac got a battery-powered, fully automatic Waterhawk water-gun made by Entertech. This advertisement was very instrumental in his purchasing decision:
In Mac’s later years he regretted falling prey to such powerful marketing, and wished he’d had a clear, unpersuaded young mind that day so he could have chosen the much more obvious product, a Nintendo. “I should have gotten a fucking Nintendo,” he says.
Mac is now a freelance stylist for a bunch of big companies. He runs Macdonald and Joseph and Born Tired where he and his friends just make fun of each other.
Related Articles:
Warren Smith + Dion Agius have moved to NYC. Here, the first in a series chronicling their urban misadventure more >
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New York Noise Vol. 1: Dion and Warren get Raped by NYC
posted by Jason Miller / Blogs / July 19, 2010
Warren Smith + Dion Agius have moved to NYC. Here, the first in a series chronicling their urban misadventure
New York Noise Vol. 3: Extreme!!! in Montauk
posted by Jason Miller / Blogs / August 25, 2010
Salt and sun – an all too familiar feeling. Warren Smith leaves the city for a few waves in Montauk.
I know that Lenard dude. He’s awesome.
Must be nice having nothing to do but cruise round be hipster all day/night.
Here’s a transcription of that conversation with Lenard:
Warren: So, which Johnny Winter album is the best?
Lenard: I’m not really into mid-70′s white-guy blues.
Warren: But wasn’t he a punk guy?
Lenard: No, he’s an albino who plays bad blues.
Warren: Oh, who am I thinking of? The junkie one. Johnny something? I saw his name on a shirt in Williamsburg.
Lenard: Maybe Johnny Thunders?
Warren: Yeah! I love that guy. What’s his best album?
I can see why you guys were so quick to post Vol. 2, after such overwhelmingly positive response to their first post. Clearly, your readership was clamoring for more:
http://blogs.surfingmagazine.com/blogs/proxy-noise-vol-1-dion-and-warren-get-raped-by-nyc/
is warren wearing lipstick in that collage pic? I always knew he was gay, but now hes cross dressing? I wonder if Dions shaft is also stained pink.
What does this have to do with surfing again? Oh yeah, anal sex.
GOTS to get me one of them Entertech. The look. The sound. The feel. The REAL.
dont end up like bozung
Are you kidding? This is worth putting up on your site?
Why doesn’t Dion and his Bullshit beanies come out of the closest already. There is a word for Dion in Australia and it is called a “Wanker”.
The boys waited so long to post Vol. 2 because they were hoping to include surf action therein, but said surf action never materialized. Reportedly there is a swell on the way. I’m glad at least you were interested enough to read the sequel. That means a lot. Thanks.
This is f#cking stupid. I thought this was a surfing website??
looks like your having a great time.
-mom
its really fun being a hipster all day, trust me
Dear Vice Magazine,
Thanks for publishing all this surfing stuff too!
Suck it! You are all retards. Those dudes are killing it out there NYC. Surfing can wait.
There is a school of thought wherein short, choppy, non-sequitors (“horses…America…texting…sports”) constitute “writing.” That school sucks.
Dear Surfing,
Can these responses be considered an informal petition? Aside from its non-surfness, this content is vapid, sophomoric and painfully phony. Do you have space in sister-mag Identity Crisis Monthly?
Thanks!
Dear Brent,
I have been deep in my old university texts on metaphysics and non-linear math to try and devise a solution for your problem here. After many pots of coffee and endless calculations, I think I’ve arrived at a suggestion:
When Vol. 3 comes out, right as you’re about to click on the button to see it…don’t. Do something else. Knit. Play saxophone. Run for mayor. Just don’t click on it.
I believe this will solve your issues with Dion. I am naming my theory Brent’s Conjecture in your honor.
Ye Olde “just don’t [read it/listen to it/watch it] argument huh?” Yaaaaaaaaaaaawn. And as honored as I am, your theory already has a name, it’s called “way too easy.”
Consider this: Content can be driven by the people (see also: politics). If my lone objective were to simply “not see it,” I suppose you’d have a point, but the aim is far more lofty, namely, its eradication.
So, to those for whom DiWar’s cultural tourism is a mere nuisance, yes, read elsewhere. But to those for whom it’s part of something larger and far more insidious, something that cheapens a thing you love, something that should/can be stopped…bitch & complain at length and will.
Hey, someone might listen…
well well well look at who decided to wander back from the silly frilly lilly pad. these two toad heads. tweedle dee and tweedle faggot. and you brought your new dude friends from the gay bar with you. what a surprise. what color are yals panties? queer? its time for the subway conductor to railroad your heads together. super fucking hard. I’m on my iphone right now calling the lord and telling him to make that shit happen…. spellcheck….posted….. clickitty clack.
u need to really start workin out James. u look like shit and yer startin to get fat and stuff
Shut up bill.
quit fu*king partying so much james. ask grady about the pumpkin patch
[...] August 4, 2010 New York Noise Vol. 2: Dion and Warren’s New Friends [...]
Way too much hostility being thrown towards their endeavors.