Jimmicane’s Passion Picks: Bells 2013

posted by / Blogs / March 26, 2013

Passion Picks: Bells
 

I should re-name it Tropical Depression Picks after the poor-ass effort by my Gold Coast team. As usual, I am average at best when picking a fantasy team. But that’s not why you come here. You come to comment about how the Jaguars suck, or just to see who you probably should’t put on your team.

This stop comes in 2nd every year for the most hated event on tour (after Brazil of course), but it’s a place that I thoroughly enjoy visiting. Unfortunately, instead of laying hacks at Winkipop right now with Sage Erickson and Coco Ho, I’m bottled up in an office with the rest of you desk jockeys. Thanks Mountain High and your shitty-wannabe snow for raping my knee.

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Kelly Slater
As long as he’s repping the Florida state flag in his CI logos, he will never leave my team! Yes Kelly! This is what we want from you. Some kind of acknowledgement that you’re from Florida and are proud of it. I’m going to FedEx you a PubSub to eat before the final. The Ultimate, Boar’s Head, with muenster cheese and that epic submarine dressing. Holla if you can already hear Slater ringing that bell!
 

Joel Parkinson
I’m an idiot for doubting him at Snapper. I thought he was going to have a post-Super Bowl slump and I was wrong. I realize that and I’m sorry. Won’t happen again.
 

Mick Fanning
Two of the first three people on my team will be in the final unless this guy below unleashes the beast…
 

Jordy Smith
If Jordy blows it here I’m done with him until they put J-bay back on the schedule. There’s simply no excuse. He’s not injured, he’s been on tour for over five years, and when it comes to performance surfing, he’s better than anyone on earth not named Dane Reynolds.

It’s not surprising Jordy hasn’t won a world title because he ain’t an elite tube rider. It’s baffling as hell, however, that he doesn’t consistently dominate locations where you win with manuevers. Kelly, Parko and Mick must just watch his freesurfing footage and thank God for not giving Jordy their competitive mindset.

Bigger, stronger, faster… but not smarter. That’s Jordy Smith right now. Time to grow a pair and take what’s rightfully yours, bru.
 

Sebastian Zietz
If this goes according to plan, I’ve already given you the semi-finalists above so I won’t be needing these picks. Let’s just have fun and root for some underdogs.

Shea Lopez said he saw Seabass ripping in Virginia Beach last year. Not sure if he was referring to actual ECSC or the bar scene dance floors, but one thing I’ve learned is: Always listen to Shea Lopez!
 

Dusty Payne
Welcome back, Dusty! We’ve been wondering if you would ever heal and we’re so glad you finally did. Now it’s time to put all those injury wildcards to use and kick some ass on tour. Win this event and you’ll break the social media record for psyched friends.
 

Raoni Monteiro
Let’s face it, this guy making Round 4 would be about as likely as a 15 seed making the Sweet 16. But hey, crazier shit has happened, right? (Shout out to Florida Gulf Coast aka Dunk City!)

Honestly, I ran out of budget and this is all I’ve got left!
 

Empty Spot
Already giving up before the 2nd event? No way. I’m just experimenting with a top heavy team instead of using my budget on a bunch of mediocre strugglers. Sure Adriano might get on a run, Julian could surprise, or they move over to Winkipop and Taj becomes a factor, but that’s a whole lot of uncertainty.

Live broadcast and free beers at Zabengravotti’s for anyone who got hosed on my recommendation for fantasyactionsportsleague.com’s pay season. I feel terrible about that. Hit me up: jimmy@surfingmagazine.com

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3 Responses to “Jimmicane’s Passion Picks: Bells 2013”

  1. bert says:

    Publix chicken tender sub…the best

  2. yeah guy says:

    crickets…

  3. dan says:

    looking pretty solid right about now!

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