The Sound and the Fury

posted by / Blogs / February 20, 2011

Baby, Take it Off! is Chas Smith’s column. “Surfing is so totally awesome sexy!” says Chas.

 

Baby Take it Off, by Chas Smith

All the indignation. All the self-righteous indignation over Sunny Garcia and Jeremy Flores and fighting and etc. All the pharisaic umbrage. The pietistic rage. Well, damn you online surf world for not recognizing pure beauty, for it was right there, splashing and then choking out and then getting fined and/or banned from competition under Australia’s summer sun. Multi-ethnic, multi-cultural, multi-generational beauty!

The scene painted itself clearly, but apparently not clearly enough for those with Cheeto-stained fingers softened by years of rubbing computer keys and flipping through Boethius’ Consolation of Philosophy. Jeremy Flores was surfing Burleigh with Sunny Garcia’s son. There were some words in the water. Everyone paddled to shore. Sunny strangled a man and punched his face.

Is the glory not readily apparent? Here we have a petite Frenchman sticking up for a young Hawaiian in Australian waters. We have the Hawaiian’s father, a Mexican-Hawaiian, sweeping in to dish a punishment neither his 16-year-old son nor the petite Frenchman could dish. Even before this whole story takes place we have a father traveling with his son. Multi-ethnic, multi-cultural, multi-generational amazing!

And furthermore, what punishment! What entertainment! Our surf world would be as boring as synchronized swimming without the likes of Sunny Garcia. Tattoo’d rage. Tax-evading awesome. It would be as bland as Good Morning America without the likes of the small fiery Frenchman. Gaulish gall. Autograph-evading awesome.

God bless Sunny Garcia, Jeremy Flores and all of Sunny Garcia’s offspring. God damn all who disagree.

 

Chas Smith is on Twitter @chasdoesntsurf and writes regularly for the magazine.

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  • matty

    Dammit, Chas, you help me see the latest Sunny beat down in a new light.

  • Sunny Gee

    Thanks for gobbling the knob Chas but you forgot to swallow this time. I know you can do better.

    Yours always,
    S.G.

  • Mik

    Chas: The “seeing red” graphic under the titling was epic. still laughing.

    BTW: what the American readers don’t get is the irony you just laid out.

    Austrailia has a pretty fucked up history of racism, ya? So some local loadmouth chose the wrong young ethnic representative to hassle. As in: “What’s that? Of all the dark-skinned young men in the world, I had to go off on Sunny’s son?—with Sunny in reaching distance of my head? Well fuck me—I’m doomed, am I not.” laughing again. And the further irony is the fact that the Brahz in Hawaii, in turn, have a bit of a problem with the fair-skinned crew visiting there, too? So it seems that what goes around, continues to go around. I think we all need to read that famous book by Rodney King: “Can’t We All Just Get Along?”

  • dirt

    Mik. Why are you always on about aussie racism. This has nothing to do with racism. this is about a big bully beating up a little bully.

  • Capt. Downer

    16 year olds should be in school this time of year

  • DaveO

    Love those Aussie coppers for not pressing chargers. “Well, he was being a bit of a c-nt. Pretty much deserved what he got. No foul.”

    Play on, boys.

  • Dirty

    Chas……are you dumb or just have no balls?

    Sunny, keep your fake ass tough act out of Surfing. I almost want to just fly to your house and fuck you just so the whole world can see that when you fight someone equal…your ass gets handed to you like it did last year in Huntington Beach….That kid fucked you up in one punch…..no news on that though you ice head.

    Just get that clown out of the Surf world….fuckin has been

  • Yves Van den Meerssche

    well said, just wish I could write like this !

  • dude

    What was Sunny doing in OZ anyway ?? Why isn’t his son in school ?? Why does JF hang with Sunny ?? Too weird.

  • Claude

    …and Justin Bieber rocks, Charlie Sheen is a folk hero and Mubarak should win the Nobel.

    Yaaaaaaaaaaaawn with your post-irony. Being a transparent contrarian is sooooo ’98. Does this stuff still get you laid in Echo Park?

    P.S. Cheeto-stained fingers is SUPER hack.

  • harry sancheez

    well i was actually in the line up during the time this all went down and it went like this, aussie kid says ” i eat pieces of shit like you for breakfeast” and then suny says ” you eat pieces of shit for breakfeast?”… end of story.

  • da advocate

    Sticking up for your family sounds awesome, except when you are sticking up for your son who is disrespecting locals and running his mouth. Good on ya Sunny for being there for your son when he needed help, but but you may need to think about why some locals want to beat your kids ass. It’s probably because your son was acting like an idiot. I wouldn’t know why though, it couldn’t possibly be in his genes.

  • Jbizzle

    That is such a weak Justification. Its so weak its actually not even a justification, Its a pathetic attempt to slurp Sunny Garcia. The implication that thuggish acts some make the surfing worlds more colorful, comical at best. Listen to Blogger boy mocking people rubbing computer keys. Stick to the shallow end with your pseudo intellect Chas.

  • Peter

    This article is ridiculous, how can any of this be remotely entertaining – a 40 year old visitor choking out a 16 year old local. You would have thought Sunny would have out grown the tough guy act by now. Its quite frankly embarrassing behavior from Sunny, there’s more than one way to break up a fight, he took it to the extreme with the kid then started on a filmer for the fact that he filmed what happened. I don’t see how any of that was justified.

  • PIKAKAKA

    I WILL NEVER AGAIN BUY YOUR MAGAZINE

  • Disappointed

    Chas sucking Sunny’s sack so that he can keep going back to Hawaii and not worry about having his ass handed to him for having a sack of his own and actually displaying a conscience, which has apparently shriveled up like Alaskan shrinkage in boardies.

    Man, I sure hope you get paid well for this bullshit job that makes you look like a tool. Or are you really that cheap of a whore?

    You guys claim a target demographic of children. If that’s the case you are definitely doing your level best to poison the minds of our youth. Way to aid in the demise of the species.

  • Dickson Cider

    I once watched as Jeff Crawford, 1974 Pipe Master, and a 30 something Jon “judge Bias so I cry” Cavasos, were sticking the noses of each others boards in there faces, all becuased John dropped in on a 4′ Sebastian Inlet Peak wave that, super fat ass and over the hill Crawford, couldn’t get into. The “I’ll kill you’s” and other super manly machismo testosterone joke comments came out. Within moments, the two gave each other a huge hug and all was forgiven. Sadly, CrawDick’s 11 year, old Elmer’s Glue skinned, Michelen tire Boy of a kid had to witness his 59 year old father act like he was 5 years old. Then witnesses what happens when you over burn all the testosterone and machismo out too quickly. In other words, he saw his Dad throw a tantrum over a wave and threaten the life of another man, albeit a 5’1 man who was 79 lbs soaking wet. Once his rage was gone, all he had was shrivelled up junk and was loooking to pop Cavasos trunk out of apathy and man love. See, we can all love another and forgive. If you do it without violence or gay localism via super scary threats like Sunny and Crawford, You wont wake up in San Onofre, with three knots on your head, looking down the business end of a meat flute. Just my theory

  • Common Sense

    Sad pile of lame words. It was criminal in every sense of the word. The guy is a bully, and pusses out when he is faced with comparable strength. You are a fool for writing this, and obviously lack common sense or education. I guess the cameraman deserved it as well. I could only hope to see you on the other side of this bully’s rage to see your opinion after. It was not about the guy punching his kid, it was about Jeremy burning the guy, then going to blows when words were exchanged. As you can see, the victim here is no where near Sunny’s size. Wow, your ignorance blows me away. Hope to see you get a beating someday and witness you crying foul about it.
    GIVE US BACK ANDY AND TAKE SUNNY INSTEAD!!!!!

  • Not Your Typical Ocker Yob

    Dispatch from the Gold Coast: Great article … particularly the “pharisaic umbrage” thing. I wonder how may of the above respondents have spent any time at all in Australia & on the Gold Coast in particular? If any of you had spent any time at all on the Gold Coast you would be well aware that racist violence is rampant here. Ask any Japanese surfer what sort of reception they get beyond the shoreline. I have no doubt whatsoever that the aussie dickhead would have started this. Garcia’s son is plainly not Saxon-fair, & with the kind of ocker lowlife which infest this particular stretch of Fake-Florida [yes, it even has a Miami Beach] that’s all it would take to elicit racist abuse.
    I say well done Sunny, you clearly have the ‘Mana’ of your Hawaiian ancestors [ie. the people who invented the sport] – it’s just a pity you didn’t insert the shitheads board up his cerebral cloaca as well.

  • Jbizzle

    Tweaker

  • Mik

    Dirt: my mistake.

    I should have stopped at the “seeing” red part; which was, to me, genius.

    The rest was all about Chas sensing the irony of the whole debacle—but that stretches way back to the days of Dane Kealoa in the magical land of Oz… And my own experiences of Haole-ness while living in Hawaii, as administered by a local too huge for me to even think of again…And Ya, he was the one in the wrong—as far as I can remember.

    LOL.

  • brooklyn decker’s tits

    totes agree with the argument that incidents like this spice up the world of surfboarding, but you’re making fun of Sunny at the same time.

  • BILLY HUNTER

    Faaaark, c’mon you guys. It’s all good. 16 yr olds are allowed to be lippy.Especially young Garcia.Things WERE getting a bit quiet for Sunny anyhow.AND most importantly, it’ll keep another fckn Aussie outa the water for a coupl’a’ days.And maybe that touro photog might fck off home.His ribs looked like a good advert for “Monster Energy”. I wouldn’t press charges either. Would you want a pissed off Sunny in ya’ local lock-up !!! Bring back da BIFFO !!
    Aloha !!!

  • George

    I’m Australian and I know that Burleigh Local was asking for a smack in the head and his mates deserve one too, nightmare of a place. The majority of surfers out there are rude, uneducated, drinkin’, dole bludgin’ red necks who hate anyone surfing their local beach. Worse still most of them were not born anywhere near that part of the Gold Coast, the majority of the population there are from the totally shitty and crime riddled Western Suburbs suburbs of Sydney and Melbourne that moved North to find a better place to live, but they destroyed the place. Good on you Sunny, might make them think twice next time.

  • Spy

    Anthony is cheating on his fiancé in hotels at Heathrow airport (London). He should think again before ruining someone elses life!!!

  • Linda Robb

    Sorry, I’ll be damned, but it’s people like you who want to pontificate such behavior in the press & make thugs heroes. Not good for the sport, not good for role models, definitely not good for the image of what being a Hawaiian really is.

    Have some balls for a change. Step up to the plate & call it for what it is. An ignorant act of violence that can’t and should not be defended. The ASP, surf industry, & surf media needs to wake up & quit making the wrong people heroes. You’re sending the wrong message & it will hurt the forward progression of the sport.

    I say ban Sunny from competition for life. His sponsors need to take a real hard look at the image he’s projecting on your companies.

  • Zorro

    Boycott Hawaii, all the drug addicts selling braloha, and get rid of stupid ganstahs. Oh, Sunny Boy, you owe Tom Curren $20,000 if you were a man…………not!

  • George

    It would be a much sadder state of affairs if Sunny didn’t stand up for his 16 year old son. The fact is a 21 year old man was attacking a 16 year old boy. As a father, this is never something to ignore, you step in and take charge naturally. Any Father that didn’t take action would regret it forever.

  • joe

    chaz, this article is awful!

  • yeah guy

    chaz is getting lazy, and you are starting to repeat your themes… make fun of those that read then and response to your lame posts and keep you employed, tell us we’re fat and eat too much junk food and are not capable of understanding the finer things in life, use big words, rusty trombone a few pros and industry big wigs, blah blah blah… boring.

  • Mik

    I’m going with “George”‘s take, kinda.

    But a toned down version, where Sunny, the adult weighing in at 230 lbs, walks up to the suddenly downsized Aussie, tatoos a’blazzing, and simply says: “So, what’s the problem here, friend?” That probably would have ended the whole shebang.

    Since it didn’t end there, a just punishment would be that all three of the men involved would have “Can’t We All Just Get Along?” tatoo’d to their foreheads… Or inside their eyelids?

  • mike

    burleigh heads has always been full of dickhead locals trying to make a story of themselves. its easy not to get into trouble, but in the end, hard to get out of it sometimes, obviously. i heard this guy has had it coming for a while and by the looks garcia might of helped his future a little here

  • dznuts

    was on a boat trip with a bunch of aussies this summer, as well as some japanese, they referred to em as japs as if there were nothing wrong with it, and these were older “classy” aussies, can’t imagine low life aussies

  • Not Your Typical Ocker Yob

    Get your facts straight before mouthing off. ‘George’ nails it; the local ‘Clarkey’ who got hammered is a well known loud-mouth cockhead around GC – he’s finally got what’s been coming to him for a long time.

    He’s gratuitously picked a scrap with a 17 year old kid, knowing full well that his fellow dipshits in the ‘black-shorts-Burliegh Crew’ are there to back him up; … the outcome however – much to his surprise – is that he was headlocked under water & had the shit punched out his head … by Sunny. No sign of backup from bigtalk ‘Burliegh Crew’.[local news report: A witness to the alleged attack said: ''They were punching him good - he was bent over and spitting blood,'' the man who did not want to be named said.''It was just totally brutal.'']

    I say, Sunny you are a hard man, but fair. The local cockhead’s got a free lesson on how life works; in the only language he understands. Maybe Sunny should be up for some kind of pedagogy award.

    Here’s what actually happened:
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    2 Days Ago #8 clovus
    Member
    Kook
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    177

    You might want to think again Masta,

    I was just speaking to a mate that was at Matt Hoy’s 40th party that night. He spoke to Jeremy Flores and got his version of events. Apparently…..

    Sunny’s kid was floating off his board, cooling down in between waves when the local, who everyone says is a aggressive tool came off the back of a wave and ran into him. Instead of apologising, he ripped into Sunny’s kid, and then proceeded to hassle him, drop in on him as Jeremy said he might’ve thought Sunny’s kid was a japanese surfer of average ability. Eventually Flores stepped in and told the local hero to FUCK OFF and leave him alone. The local then called them all into the beach, where Sunny took over.
    Reply With Quote
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    further local comment:

    26. Emerson
    “I’ve seen the threatening and aggresive actions of many Burleigh locals. They use violence as a crowd control tool and no doubt were doind their usual heavy tough guy with numbers routine.
    It’s part of the local culture and has been for many years.
    They drop in and intimidate people with their wanker ‘black shorts’ club, as if to have ownership of the break. Half of them are just kooks with no ability much less brains.

    Jeremy was only defending himself and Sunny should have stayed the hell out of it.
    Sunny needs to calm down, never liked the angy prick.”

  • dirt

    dznuts. please don’t refer to us as aussies we are australian. i am so offended.

  • sick of shit

    violance canot be allowed to go unpunished no matter what the reson. if the law cant act without a complaint whae we has daming video everdence then we can al go around threating and bashing and threatening people. like the victorian crime bosses.

    the laws an asss
    asp has no balls
    sonny is an ape
    jerermy needs ediquet lessons
    quiksilver has lost a customer

  • Barry

    Agree with you Yeah guy, seems like chas dialed this editorial stunt into the controversy machine and came up empty. Well even more empty than usual and that’s saying a lot.

  • last word

    Sunday, 20 February 2011 19:31
    12 ottyscay

    pretty sweet headlock hook combo

  • chuck

    surfing needs to move on from the likes of sunni and his posse bros. times have moved on the a bit of growing up needs to occur. the 70′s are over, time to wake up to that fact. sunnI needs to learn some parenting skills, o, wait, that would require that he grow up first.

  • lol

    thats real life.. you mess with family you get beat up!! regardless anywhere in the world.

    surfing needs more real people like sunny.. instead of all the pussys surfers here posting shit..

    surfers are the biggest pussies in all impact sports.. no wonder they are so under paid.

  • wow

    mr. smith – take it easy on the thesaurus function in your word processing program man. you’re better than that. just a little constructive criticism: try to write with a more concise picture of what it is you’re conveying in your literature. the incessant prattle is caca. not to join the bashers, but it’s hard to disagree with the disdain when your gilded posts warrant no response other than a gesture of haughty derision (insert smug head shaking here). stop with the superfluous adjectives pulled from your vast lexicon and be a little more honest in your writing. you can do it.

  • dgb

    No, Mr. Wow, Chas can’t do it. If he could, I assume he would. Yet, as we all know too well, he doesn’t. My hope is that Chas is just a young kid who instead of going to uni has convinced whoever is in-charge that he should be paid for this and that he is just stringing it all out so he can surf as much as possible until he gets found out.

  • Barry

    no he can’t :P

  • barcode software

    hey, I think sticking up with son shows fathers great affection towards his son but he need to teach him how to pay respect to their elders or locals.