Words & photos Nathan Myers
“Wake up, I need more air in my uni-cycle tire,” she says.
It’s 7 am and I’m passed out on Brad Gerlach’s couch. The dark, sexy unicyclist standing over me is wearing a black cape, top hat and eye-liner moustache. This is Aleksei Archer, Gerlach’s flamboyant fiancé. While the former world #1, XXL winner, The Game inventor and coach to the stars had reinvented himself many times in his career, this girl makes his famous impersonations go tongue-tied. Aleksei is a chameleon.
Just watch. She’ll be doing Saturday Night Live shows before too long, but for now she’s making some of the funniest web videos I’ve seen online. And this morning she made me hold the camera while she zipped around the neighborhood on a unicycle for her latest skit. In return, I made her share dark secrets about her surfy-boyfriend, who has charged some big waves in his day but sucks at riding the unicycle.
SURFING: Who takes longer getting dressed to go out – you or Brad?
ALEKSEI: Great question ’cause this is a huge debate in our household, but truthful… me. Ughh! Ok, I admit 90 percent of the time I do take longer, but it’s unfair cause I have to do my hair and make up… but like my mother used to always tell me, “Better to take time and look hot than rush and not.”
Mmm, your mom sounds hot. Wait, I think that came out super wrong. Next question: What’s your favorite impersonation Brad does?
For sure, Occy is my favorite impersonation Brad does — he’s such an incredible character, with his long hair and nails, nasal voice and reptilian body movement. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve only met the guy once, but he’s a trip! I love people who are different and out with it. I hear Occy doesn’t really like that Brad does it but, not to be corny, he should celebrate his individuality. And at least Brad isn’t posting them on YouTube. Well, not yet.
Brad’s had some pretty radical notions to change surfing – The Game, his “Wave Ki” coaching technique, fashion – but many of them have yet to be accepted. Does it ever get frustrating?
His time is coming. Everyone will soon see that plain and simple… his coaching technique works and when something works only fools can continue to hate. As far as his fashion, anyone who doesn’t just absolutely love the way he dresses doesn’t know anything about fashion, ’cause he the hippest dude I know and definitely the hippest dude in the surf industry. The first time he took me to the Big Wave Awards all these guys were wearing shorts. What the hell is that about? Grown-ass men trolling around in flip-flops at night. And on a red carpet, to make matter worse.
That’s funny. And I think I do that, too. Tell us a weird “surf fan” story of someone approaching brad in a random place?
The most random fan story was when we were in the fish market in Tokyo, this Japanese guy started bowing at him and saying, “Ooooh, Brado Gerlahson, danger surfa ooo.” I was like “Where are we? Now, this is random.” That’s when I knew he’s really surfed a few big ones and been around the world a couple times.
Ever suggest Brad get into acting? He’d probably be pretty good at it.
Are you kidding me? Of course, he’s insanely talented. Blows my mind. I coached him for his audition for “Numb3rs,” which he ended up booking and God did he look hot in that Ranger suit – yum. Then I directed him in “Shelby & Clive” [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPJNnNibnaE&feature=plcp] and boy did we were cracking up shooting that sketch. I’m working on a part two, so send thru some suggestions for where you’d like to see the unlikely pair next.
[Check out a few of Aleksei’s web sketches here. They’re really funny.
Her Channel http://www.youtube.com/alekseiarcher]
“Beyond Scared Straight”