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posted by / Blogs / June 16, 2010

Craig Anderson and Travis Logie, just back from G-Land. PHOTO: MyersCraig Anderson and Travis Logie, just back from G-Land. PHOTO: Myers

If you’re not shooting a massive laser-beam smoke machine night-surfing campaign in Bali right now, you probably should be

Words and photos by Nathan Myers

“It’s pretty heavy when you’re sitting in the lineup trying to talk to your mate and there’s a helicopter about to take your head off.”

Craig Anderson pretty much sums it up. Bali’s not the new North Shore, it’s the new Godzilla movie. Epic — except for the giant evil robots trying to destroy you.

Craig just got back from G-Land, where Quiksilver took the break over with all 25 international team riders (all except Dane and Kelly, whose idea it was) and another 50 people in production crew, including a few Jet Skis, boats, helicopter, high-speed Phantom cameras, a remote control helicopter with a 7D mounted to it and the famed Brain Farm Cinema marketing machine.

The Queekend climaxed with snowboarder Travis Rice doing 3 a.m. naked backflips off a table under a ceiling fan onto a slippery wet floor speckled with broken glass, then running off into the jungle with a spear fishing gun to kill himself a wild boar. “Check please!”

Welcome to Bali-wood. Please don’t come here. The entire island is currently roped off for massive surf-stuffed marketing-bomb surf-o-rama. Here’s a glance at this week’s production schedule:

-Nike 6.0 just spent almost a million dollars shooting smoke-machine laser beam night surfing at Keramas. Remember when Keramas used to be like some kind of secret code word? Looked like Vegas last week.

-Hurley’s got scaffolding and $80,000 film projectors out at Canggu to shoot night surfing boardshorts campaigns with Mob, Yadin and Simpo. “This was dreamed up in an office,” said Hurley’s Pat O’Connell the next morning. “We’re pulling the plug.”

-Billabong’s cruising round with a 40-person catalog-shooting entourage including AI, TB, Parko and a dozen or so cameramen. “Pretty heavy rocking up like that.” said Taj when it was all mostly almost sort of over. “I’d rather just turn in my shit.”

-Rip Curl’s team is staying outta sight and out to sea, with the Indies Trader booked for the full season, shooting everything from Sumbawa to Sumatra.

-Globe is at a former secret spot with 15 naked models painted purple with filmmaker Joe G. filming Hobgoods through a pile-up of tangled magenta babe-flesh. No one’s really sure how it all came out, since Joe G. shot it all on film.

Night shoots. Laser beams. Model mobs. This is how we sell boardshorts while the World Tour is on a hiatus. Giant robots, just smashing the place.

The rest of the world is surely empty right now, but nobody cares ’cause the Indian Ocean just got punched in the face by Mike Tyson and now the freesurfing WQS world tour of surf porn is group-sneaking off to a secret spot on the North Coast of Bali called Desert Point that no one is allowed to mention. So SHHHHHH don’t tell everyone and I’ll see you there. Bring your tripod. And a laser beam.

Bali's so crowded, Ando slit his wrist. PHOTO: MyersBali’s so crowded, Ando slit his wrist. PHOTO: Myers

Hurley delegates Tom Aiello (filmer) and Rob Machado (hair farmer) do their best to satisfy a chips-n-salsa craving. PHOTO: MyersHurley delegates Tom Aiello (filmer) and Rob Machado (hair farmer) do their best to satisfy a chips-n-salsa craving. PHOTO: Myers

Pick your production — Bali-wood is just barely behind Hollywood with its DVD releases. PHOTO: Myers

Bali ForecastYes, it’s this good.

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    No wonder all the big companies(i mean corporations) cant afford to pay unsponsored surfers.

    If I was an unsponsored pro (im not a pro or never will be) I would be prett pissed off.

    Sorry hank gaskell but Hurley rather waste $80 k on nite surfing!!??!!
    CORPO F—wits..

  • DaveO

    Pretty cool to hear that the companies are trying out some big ideas. Too bad Bali surfers suffer for it, but let’s see how it all plays out. I only read mags for the ads anyway.

  • Blah

    Give me a break, Hank Gaskell doesn’t sell boardshorts. AI, TB, Parko do. Simple math.

    Cry me a river.

  • jf

    All that money comes FROM some where. Where? Ultimately the customers. Purchase wisely.

  • Lurkface

    Rape the out of that island, that’s what the developers have been doing for years now. It means more money injected into the economy….which is good. Unfortunately the traffic and pollution and overcrowding come along with that, at least we get to see some good video footage though eh!!!! If anyone can deal with that kind of crazyness…it is the Balinese! Banyak orang….Bagus!!! At least ekonomi no broken like Amerika!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • johnny cash

    hahaha seriously, are you joking. These idiots are dropping a million dollars to have some fucking ravey light show while kolohe and dusty try to surf in the dark for some production that will probably never see the light of day, and yet there are tons of unsponsored unpaid great surfers out there that cant even get a travel fund. what the fuck is going on with the surf industry. this shit is ridiculous, pull your corporate laguna bred pretentious heads out of your asses and start supporting the people that deserve it. fuck you/shit will come back around when all these non-surf companies completely drop their surfing budgets cuz they realize that nobody fucking cares

  • Lorenzo

    i will not buy any hurley boardshorts since they droped Hank. i will not keep send any of my money in any way (buying stuff) to some stupid corporate who dont give S…t about normal people. Cry me a river now.

  • mo

    I have just come back from a trip to that region (bali etc), and after seeing this nightmare on the water, i´m seriously thinking about quitting this sport. surfing has become too popular. when was the last time you were having fun on the water with just your friends out… its at least 20 other guys in the lineup as well, no matter what time you get out there!
    at least you have more time to shop in of the 63 surfshops in kuta…and at the end, because you dont go surfing anymore (too crowded) you get more time to watch these surf-videos (your former money)…so its all working out, isnt it?

  • Speilberg

    The Man wants you to hate him. If you hate him, love him. Love The Man. He will gives you stickers.

  • birdman

    Yoda says, “Heads in our ass we have.” Smoke n mirrors will boost the economy? Creativity is great, but what happened to seeing the beauty in nature. Are we so desensitized to surf vids that we have to turn them into a night club scene? F@ck, Hollister makes more money by shooting two models with a surfboard in their hands. For some reason, that sells.

  • voiceofreason

    Points go to the first point and the last point.

    People wonder why there is trash on the beach, oil in the water, and plastic bags killing dolphins-surfers like all those in between, Most especially mr. “Blahh”

    While we are at it…why don’t we see some support of female pro surfers, they rip harder than every single poster here (myself included) and actually care about the ocean and those with less means.

    It’s time for the surf community to grow up, because honestly, it will never get respect if it keeps acting like a stupid teenager.

  • voiceofreason

    O and, points to the people who pointed out the crazily sad development and rape of the beautiful island of Bali. I have never been there, and might not ever go thanks to what the surf industry has done.

  • Laspak

    Woaw,big news, as if Bali spoiled ground was a new thing!!!
    But now that everybody bought his fully furnished house there ….what you expect????
    It all turns like a good porno whith a lot of ass kissing…
    It is just great for bizness, it sells right???
    But how sad it is to see more and more balinese people getting
    desensitized by all this …
    Good bye spirits island ,
    Welcome disneyland…

  • wakeup

    Whos the hater writing this crap!!

  • unlucky luke

    maybe try the billabong boardies, they have 40 people to do andy taj and parko’s makeup, have bought out half the surf companies, screw their own employees not even to mention distributors, is busy buying RVCA won, maybe they are busy signing Gaskell, but what have they done for you lately?

    just came back from Bali and it was mellow.what the fuck do you expect.the fact that u r reading this is thanks to the big companies that turned it into an industry.

  • TR

    …and after Surfing Mag disses all this promotion pollution it will run the pix and videos.. ’round and ’round we go, where surfing will stop, nobody knows…

  • yes

    i spent 2 months in bali and got great uncrowded waves. stop beating off and get off the beaten path.

  • Hardoom

    I think I speak for everyone when I say that Nathan Meyers and his obese hypocrisy can go fuck themselves. First off, that tubby piece of shit makes money off of all the pros coming to Bali so he can shut his cheeto-inhaling lips right there. It would be one thing if he moved to Bali and away from the industry to live his life in peace – then I would maybe listen and feel bad. But he hasn’t, he moved there and, alongside Taylor Steele, has been the biggest culprit when it comes to attracting surfers to the island. I’m no industry supporter and I think what is happening is lame, but this douchebag can’t seem to see the irony in attacking the companies whose teets he have been suckling at (extensively) since forever. Get bent.

  • joe Hawksby

    layne beachley is hot