That’s Bullshit! The Double-Grab Saga Continues

posted by / Blogs, JimmyCane, That's Bullshit / April 14, 2010

Exhibit A: Jordy Smith at the Rip Curl Pro.

Exhibit A: Jordy Smith at the Rip Curl Pro.

Words and photos by Jimmicane

Until the Rip Curl Pro at Bells, I was finally starting to feel confident on something I’ve wanted for so long. Over time, it seemed that more and more people were realizing the hideousness of the double-grab air.

Veteran two-hand abusers were coming up to me informing of their switch to the bright side. Videos like Modern Collective came out with limited clips of people safety grabbing, and when they did, it was normally for doing a rodeo or superman air (which I still despise and will target to destroy later). And even Surfer Magazine came out with a little excerpt in which the author showed angst about the lamest surfing maneuver since the chop hop (although they do still run photos of people going straight on knee-high waves with sunsets in the background).

So I was feeling pretty good that I helped kill such a miserable part of surfing. Then, a week ago, I witnessed my first WCT since Lowers last summer.

There weren’t too many DGs being attempted in the Rip Curl Pro, but I also didn’t watch much of the contest because the waves sucked for most of it and I was busy drinking free beer. The people I did see doing them were the typical repeat offenders from whom you expect it — one being questionably the best surfer in the world, Jordy Smith; the other being one of the most consistent competitors in the world, Bede Durbidge.

I can only describe to you how bad these airs were by showing the moments in time and letting you see for yourself. Words just can’t explain them.

Exhibit B: Bede Durbidge, also at the Rip Curl Pro.

Exhibit B: Bede Durbidge, also at the Rip Curl Pro.

Still, because the surfers in these photos apparently “Went for it!” as the commentators on the beach stated, they were rewarded with scores in the mid to high range on these waves. Thankfully, both of them ended up losing their heats, but I feel they deserved to lose even worse.

Now here’s my plea:

In competition, when a surfer botches a snap in the middle of a wave, doesn’t it hurt their score for that wave? At the very least it doesn’t help their score and the judges will kind of ignore that it ever happened if the surfer follows it up with something solid.

So why does this not apply to a botched air? Why do they get rewarded for doing some thing as low risk as a floater, and as bad looking as a bogged cutback?

The degree of difficulty on these two photo examples is as low as it can get. The only way you fall doing something like that is on purpose when, in mid-maneuver, you realize what you’re doing and just jump off to save yourself the embarrassment of trying to land it.

Unfortunately, until the ASP judging panel wakes up, we will be stuck watching the best surfers in the world perform the worst air in the world, due to the simple fact that it will get them through heats.

Now that is some serious bullshit.

— Jimmicane

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  • ButSeriouslyNow …

    CLASSIC, jimbo! Keep the Bullshit call -out’s coming.

  • João

    Spot on!

  • Cheyne

    Amazing. As usual.

  • Meter

    call like you see it Jimbro. Man… DG’s don’t even count down here in the Dirty South.

  • jb

    The wheelie air is by far much lamer.
    Seems your critique is more about vanity than function.

  • staug

    jimmy, you suck. your writing sucks, your opinions suck, most of your bro friends suck too. how does a fat opininated faggot get involved in the surf industry? oh shit his friends were ok at surfing when they were 12, and now one gets paid to do so.
    jags suck, you suck a f$%^
    go f$% yourself

  • Angry ???

    SA your right on all accounts but the JAGS. They do not suck. The coach, the minority quarterback, past draft picks all completely suck. However the Franchise record is good overall and when CALI Jack packs up after this season we will be on the road to the promise land. And yes your team would suck if they had the COLTS in their division.

  • RH

    Jimmy’s just trying to get a cheap cheer from the kooks, when he doesn’t have anything else to say (and has already done this one, before). The fact is, Jordy’s air in the above photo would look bad no matter how he grabbed it, because the board is too much underneath him there, and Bede’s grab looks okay grabbing it that way, because the board isn’t too much underneath him. And there’s a picture of Dane at Snapper that could not look worse, because he’s got his front arm straight up, and there’s a guy doing the same thing at the Scottish WQS that looks almost as bad… and that is a way of doing it that I can’t imagine looking okay even, all pigeon-holing aside.

  • RH

    So let’s just say that if your front arm is straight up and not grabbing, or straight down and grabbing, it’s gonna look bad no matter what you do with your other arm. But, the photos in question were taken in wave riding contests, not Posing-for-goofy-still-photographers contests.

  • assphinctersayswhat

    Double grabs are only acceptable if the maneuver is 5′ above the lip during a rotation (dane ankle breaker). Superman air? cool in the Julian sushi photo ad, but he didn’t pull it. but I recently saw a clip in the mod col extras of Craig anderson doing a double grab on a frontside under the lip reverse (kerr + JOB do em a bunch and dane too)and it enlightened me a bit. Having said that, Jordy doing two superlames on one wave during bells made me want to take a bunch of roofies and cruise the castro, just to take my mind off things.

  • assphinctersayswhat

    oh, and jimmy Z is just keepin it real, Staug.

  • staug

    acceptable? who are you picasso critiquing rembrant?
    shut the f up. surf nerds have no say in whats ‘acceptable’ in surfing. especially when they cant surf anywhere close to good…
    unless asphinctersays what is really slater, in which case i’ll put my foot in my mouth….

  • Jimmicane

    Wait to you hear my thoughts on whitewater rafting. I’m gonna write something on that next. If you don’t know what I’m talking about you will.

    staug, i would like your opinions but you really didn’t give any. Saying some one sucks is not a take. Saying someone is fat when they are is also just stating the obvious. It’s pointless. Hit me with a real opinion so we can learn from your genius.

  • Confused

    You cant do airs so how can you cut someone down for doing them????

    Sounds hypocritical to the general public.

    I hate slam dunks!!! Why ?? because I cant dunk…

  • jeremy

    you can be opinionated and that’s fine, but all you do is talk $hit. this sucks, that sucks blah blah blah. why dont you talk about something besides 58 reasons why california is lame

  • Jimmicane

    jeremy, you obviously haven’t read some of the positive things i’ve wrote like the one on womens surfing or the one sticking up for Brazilians. I don’t have to explain myself to you. Form your own opinion but I suggest you chill out and see the humor in what’s going on in the photos above. Seriously, it’s funny. if you want to read shit that puts you to sleep visit surfermag.com

  • Steamer Jon

    Maybe some strap you could safely put over the nose? like a big seat belt? My latest retro take on the ‘bu (my old home break). (I was banned for kicking butt)So the evolution of man and technology is intrinsically linked. First there were tools (long boards) then fire, (burning tires) then war (Miki baby!) and weaponry. Man hasn’t changed since the Olduvai Gorge. It’s now called Malibu and the same dinosaurs roam the shore break. Misto George, the Masochist, Dora, Buzz Seflin, Jay Riddle, Alan Sarlo, Gidget, Kahuna, Steak. I am glad Miki clued me in with his forecast of doom for paradise. I never missed the parking the, crowds, a__holes, bikers, Mexican gangs etc.

  • Steamer Jon

    I left in 1968 for (then) virgin Santa Cruz, CA and the famous (now infamous) Steamer Lane. I never missed LA, although I soon found out what “go back kook” was in Santa Cruzian. The first time I surfed the ‘lane, there were 5 guys out at West peak, John Arnold, Jan Jedlicka (Preacher Jan) Doctor John Scott, Mitch (the mas) Lachman and me the unknown kook. It was epic, beautiful empty green peaks. Barreling through the slot and off the cliff. Lefts peeling off West peak. I don’t stand up surf anymore. I have more fun on a boogie board. When I started surfing at Malibu 1958; I thought it looked like fun. Surfing still is.

  • Matthew Burns

    What about Medina’s superman air at the Nike 6.0 Cash for Tricks at Lacuna, or is a double-grab squat not quite a superman: http://www.aspworldtour.com/2010/08/20/medina-takes-off-to-victory-in-epic-6-0-cash-for-tricks-lacanau-waves/aqua9354/

    For the current moment these moves still look way cooler being done by freestyle motocross boys. Still, Medina’s superman is cool, should straighten his legs out more for it to look really cool.

  • mick

    mate your tripping!
    id bet you cant surf? snowboarders do double grabs and their boards are what? 6 inches wide?
    i do airs and recn a normal straight no grab is easier (sure without going over 3´above the lip).
    supermans (not 1/2 arsed 1s) are cool as shit! and rodeo or a flip without double grabing? as i said your tripping!
    surfing is fucking difficult in the air. its not a snow/skateboard in any stretch of the imagination. how many crew can back you up? there is not much of a history or depth of surfer that are acting authorities on airs.

    you my friend need to step back and let it sort itself out. your not helping the sport.

  • mick

    and the superman matty b linked above? lame cause a double grab???? im finding my self joining the hate campaign!

  • andy irons

    i cant tell you how much you suck jimmyLAME, id like to see you try ANY air you fatass freking geek