There’s a storm brewing in North County, San Diego. It is not a hurricane. It is not named “Leslie.” No, it is much, much bigger. It is a storm of Constitutional proportion. It is a storm that directly affects our American freedom!
Amazing sunglass brand, Spy Optic, recently launched a new campaign advertising its new Happy Lens product. They put up a nice billboard in Encinitas reading, “Happy to sit on your face.” It simply featured those six easy words, in white, on a cute baby blue background. And happy they were, to sit on your face. Like, over your nose and around your eyes.
But in our new politically radicalized climate, those six words were not seen as easy, nor the baby blue background as cute. Those words were sexual! They did not mean sunglasses! They meant, more likely than not, a woman! Sitting! On your face!
Clear Channel, which owns the physical billboard and also owns Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, tore the message straight down. There is no room for amusing innuendo when there are so many guns to clean and Mexicans to chase out of the country and gays to bash. No. Innuendo is offensive! Innuendo hurts our children and our children’s children.
The mayor of Encinitas said he was not personally offended by the message, nor were the vast majority of Encinitas’s population, but no matter. Innuendo is a great evil. It is worse than starving babies.
What will the future hold for Spy? Will they relaunch an even zestier campaign or will they buckle under wild Puritan pressure? Will Glenn Beck carry the day or will Spy’s CEO Michael Markx? My vote is for Michael Markx. He is one of the most handsome men I have ever met. He is smart and witty too. Glenn Beck, on the other hand, looks like an unfit boob. He looks like Leslie without her delicious waves.