Rio De Jainero translates to “River of January” but apparently, its waters flow strongest in mid-May. Thursday’s competition of the Oi Rio Pro saw the biggest waves (well overhead) of the waiting period, but they came with a current that rivaled the Amazon. Thankfully, the WSL took note and brought in the Jet Ski assist for Mens Round 2.
Assist, or assassination? Fine line. While the Jet Ski drivers did their best in the scattershot conditions, one of them did almost kill Joel Parkinson during his heat against Keanu Asing. (See below.) The sight was so startling that it nearly gave Dave Stansfield, in the booth, a heart attack. Wouldn’t that have been some twisted collateral damage?
Speaking of Dave Stansfield. Some of you might be wondering, Why is he in the booth? And, Is this a permanent change? He’s in the booth because Ronnie Blakey wasn’t able to make this comp, but no, it’s not a permanent swap. Dave will fill in for Ronnie once more at Lowers but every other comp we’ll be blessed with the Ronnie/Ross dream team. (For now, we feel it’s helpful to imagine Dave as the announcer from Best In Show.)
Synonyms for “shitty.”
“A lucky dip.” –Mick Fanning
“Weird.”-John John Florence
“Tricky” -Taj Burrow
“A lucky dip.” -Ricardo Christie
“Interesting.” –Dusty Payne
“Tough.” –Keanu Asing
“Challenging.” –Kai Otton
“A lucky dip.” –Martin Potter
Definition of “lucky dip.”
1. A barrel or box filled with sawdust and small prizes for which children search
2. An undertaking of uncertain outcome
Bloods vs. Crips. Red jerseys are high seeds, blues jerseys are low, and they always fight against each other. Just like in gangs. Usually the red jerseys win because they’re better surfers but today, it was a pretty fair fight, with blues winning 5 out of 12. Here’s how it shook out…
Blood winners: Mick Fanning, John John Florence, Taj Burrow, Josh Kerr, Nat Young, Owen Wright and Ace Buchan.
Crip winners: Ricardo Christie, Dusty Payne, Keanu Asing, Adam Melling and Kai Otton.
Tomorrow… It’s Friday, bitches! And by all accounts another day of competition as they try and capitalize on a lingering swell. See you then. —Taylor Paul