That's Bullsh*t!

Editor’s Note: If you don’t know new SURFING associate photo editor Jimmy “Jimmicane” Wilson, you will soon. The former ESM Photo Editor is a good surfer, a great photographer, a Jacksonville Jaguars superfan and, above all else, a tempest of passionate opinions. He has so many opinions, in fact, that we’re giving him his own column on surfingmagazine.com appropriately entitled, “That’s Bullshit.” This time around, upon hearing that the Ron Jon Surfpark has been indefinitely delayed (read: dead in the water), he couldn’t hold back.

Wavepools. At one point just the word would make any surfer from a shit-for-waves place shiver with joy. Imagine never having to worry about the wave forecast because you know that you can surf fun waves anytime you want to. You can work on your tube riding, your airs, your gouges, or anything you feel like perfecting, whenever you felt like it. Sure you'd still want to surf the real waves in the ocean anytime they were good, but it would sure make staring in the face of a Florida summer a whole lot less frightening.

The Ron Jon Surfpark looked like the real deal from the start. A solid financial backing, a hip new website with digital previews that made it look like Pipeline was about to come to Orlando. The hype was real; unfortunately nothing else was.

When I got the call to come shoot photos of the first surf in the new pool with CJ Hobgood and Lopez brothers I was ecstatic! I thought I was about to shoot an important moment in surfing history. Then there were some problems and the session was delayed. Instead it ended up being Aaron Cormican, Alek Parker and Evan Geiselman as the first surfers to try the pool out. As soon as we pulled up to the place I knew it wasn't going to work, but I still had a little bit of hope until I watched the first waves pump out. 100-pound Evan Geiselman struggled to work the knee high dribbler into the inside and almost managed to fit in a little whitewater climb at the end before beaching himself on a shitty metal grill.

"How could this happen?" I thought to myself. I know it was only the kiddie pool, but the whole layout was just wack. Apparently the dudes who created this thing had no idea how to surf. The pool was only about 15- 20 yards wide and got narrower from there. Anyone who surfs understands that you don't ride waves going straight in. They have standing waves for that. You ride waves going down the line horizontally. That's how you get speed. Ever check out how far the distance you travel is on a wave? Even on shitty days at beachbreaks it's a whole lot more than 15 yards across.

So the thing was doomed right there. What about the "six waves per minute!" claim they threw out? Well, that's great in theory but the problem with that is as soon as one little ripple pops out of the machine, it chops the hell out of the surface from bouncing off the walls. So 10 seconds later when the next waves dumps out it's like surfing in a washing machine, and each wave after that just becomes progressively worse.

What about the ever changing bottom they claimed could morph the pool from a fun rampy beachbreak and turn it into a heaving Teahupoo-esque pit? Haha! Hilarious! They tried changing the bottom when I was there and I honest-to-god could not tell the difference from what was being produced before. All I saw was when they pumped up the pool to full power it would turn into a waist high, suck-up, closeout that even Cormican couldn't make the drop on.

So there you have it. Not only do we have the Orlando Surfpark to thank for getting out hopes up, we also can thank them for stunting any future development on wavepools around the world for the next decade because I guarantee you investors have taken note of this hideous failure. They took top-notch technology and millions of dollars to create a contraption that is easily shown up by neighbor Typhoon Lagoon's wave pool, which wasn't even built specifically for surfing and was constructed in 1989!

Now they have finally officially shut the Ron Jon Surf Parks project down until further notice, and all I can really do is laugh about it because I could have told them it was doomed from the start.

Now that’s bullshit!

Reader Comments 

Posted Fri Aug22, 2008, 6:57 PM — By thatssssgrrreeaatttt!

sounds like SUPERkooks built the place!

Posted Fri Aug22, 2008, 7:14 PM — By Big Wave Dave

Who is this Jimmy Wilson character, and how long until the mucky-muck douchebags at Ron Jon have the web guys pull this story down because it tells the truth?

Posted Fri Aug22, 2008, 8:29 PM — By t dub

Great now with wave pools at malls in every state, every kook in the USA is going to learn to surf and then invade our coasts. Thanks alot Ron Jon. Surfing is hardwork, skill and wave knowledge. You have to pay to play. Just another kook factory if you ask me.

Posted Sat Aug23, 2008, 12:58 AM — By Earl Gotti

What..you don't know bout Jimmy The Truth! There goes mine and everyone else hyped up spot in the waiting line for..poop. Typhoon Lagoon is laughing like HAHAHA. Looks like they will be making $1500 an hour for more years to come. Big up to the OLDEST CITY!!

Posted Sat Aug23, 2008, 12:50 PM — By Larry

Thats Ron Jons for you, kooking up every aspect of surfing.

Posted Sat Aug23, 2008, 6:30 PM — By Crusty

it's a good thing surfing magazine doesn't depend upon the advertising dollars from the world's most famous surf shop....aka Ron Jon!

Posted Sat Aug23, 2008, 6:36 PM — By Parrot Heard

hahah now they can refund all our money that we had to put up for membership!

Posted Sat Aug23, 2008, 7:31 PM — By i_c_all

ohh man -superkooks is a understatement of the day. if Jimmy only knew the whole story. These guys put the term superkook to shame in their endevours to rule the waves. Just do a google for artificial surfing reef, mount manganui surfing reef, opanake surfing reef , tsunami funds diverted for surfing reef ,wavebox, asr llc , and check out the string of enormous success that these superkooks are racking up. the ASR LLC website does the promotion very well listing all there sucksec's and the wonderfull benefits that they have given 1. the promoters 2. the ocean and beach 3. the communities 4. the interns that these guys employ for very high wages to progress their careers. 5.the overall goodwill of superkook promotion and how everyone loves them for what they start. (some say never finish -but that not fair as they have a liftime to finish their started jobs and some people just expect too much) they have actually become so famous on the surfing scene that southpark has a special on them. just

Posted Sat Aug23, 2008, 8:16 PM — By i_c_all

just in case you think I'm being hard on these guys I had better add that there are those that dont believe that they are a worth a pinch of bullshit. Well I will stick up for them in any forum and say that they are. There is a storyboard available of the southpark episode planned on them and just ask and you will recieve. Southpark dumps on all real celebrities in case you didnt know! oh you could also look at www.surfcore.com in the uk as there is a good history of their scientific achievement there. Coco beach is another place yet to get the benefit of their science and the county hearing on a surf reef there in the section on sucesss's of ASR is good as kerry black details how surfing reefs are good for everyone (sucess's oops none mentiond) the king hit must be their lack of understanding of basic wave transformation and hydrodynamics as they have infringed a patent pending with water flow channelling techniques on reefs. Funny that all there reefs had to be ultra smooth un

Posted Sun Aug24, 2008, 12:28 AM — By Gucci Mane

My name is Gucci Mane. I am a rapper from Georgia. I love to surf. My favorites are Blake Jones and Tommy Obrien. I would like to invest the cost of my chain into the wavepark. Tell these niggaz to get at me. If I am going to put my name on this shit we gotta move it to the East Side of Atlanta, aint no waves deah. Gucci Mane Wavepark son, opening Spring '09.

Posted Sun Aug24, 2008, 3:32 AM — By Reggie Williams

Jimbro wilson is a god! he taught me how to play football growing up and now i play for the jacksonville jaguars! He knows what he is talking about! he is my hero!!!

Posted Sun Aug24, 2008, 4:39 AM — By Maurice Jones-Drew

Yo dis yo boy Maurice, startin runninback for the Jacksonville Jaguars. If any yall niggaz got beef wit my boy Jimmy yall got beef wit me. He da rawest photographer motherfucka in da world of surfin. I'll run you ovah and beat you wit my meat if you mess wit my boy.

Posted Sun Aug24, 2008, 6:35 AM — By Fred Coblyn

My name is Fred Coblyn and i have the combination to make wave-pools work. I stumbled on a freak reef in nature and tested a model with the same formation and the results were amazing. All other aspects necessary for a success in pool surfing came by means of freak occurrence and many sleepless nights. You can see the reef results on a youtube vid called "freds wave". And a full working pool model is in the works And Maurice Jones-Drew if you read this there is a bitch at the end of the clip on youtube that has been mouthing of on your boy Jimmy, but watch out he's a docturd .

Posted Sun Aug24, 2008, 2:57 PM — By Brian

This is very sad to see happen. The people and energy placed into this idea and technology was unprecendented. As a watching bystander, progress was slug-like, but the plan indeed looked great and the ever-refining waves appeared very promising; delivering the complete vision is something that the population of growing global surfers need and demand. Sh*t, if man can build super domes, skyscrapers, and country-bisecting canals, why can't we pull together a freakin' decent wave pool. I'm hopeful that the lessons learned can and will be applied to the next project to achieve a successful, profitable model with the kind of waves that many know are possible; the progression of the sport is counting on it.

Posted Sun Aug24, 2008, 5:40 PM — By robert sirasch

Brian, you are right there is a sad side to this. I hope that those that lost could afford it. If you go to Fred's wave there is a true breakthrough by a true craftsman, artisan and an exceptionally good tradesman who has achieved a profoundly exceptional result with a shoestring budget. He has worked with the ingenuity of the Wright brothers in watching nature and applying it for success. He has also been as clever and frugal as the myth busters or junkyard mechanics without a budget or any resources. He did not require any false promises- reputation -credibility-spin to achieve and it is real credit to the integrity of the man that he achieved so much for so little excepting his own determination to understand natural process's through commonsense and watching and learning from what he saw in nature. Millions for a test model - he did it for pennies in a farm yard and i saw a milking shed that was once full of cow shit transformed into a craftman's workshop - that said it all. not false and

Posted Sun Aug24, 2008, 7:18 PM — By robert sirasch

bulls.'t spin based on selling pizza's. You are also right editor the guys that did this know nothing about surfing and the proof in in the pudding. Yet I know that they still insist taking money from others for a venture in Penrith -Australia but are about to meet their Waterloo as one of Australia's most successfully true professional sportsman is still being asked for more money for the rights to use this technology. Ever heard of the term "tin men" ? If you want to get a threatening letter from their south American lawyer (if you haven't already got one) just say that there's about two or three hundred people around the world that are just waiting to say the truth and state the facts in a court of law , Florida or new Zealand or now hopefully Australia. All insults aside it will be a blessing for the sport for the rogue traders of this sort of spin to be properly identified in court and there is an enormous groundswell of people's perceptions who feel that they h

Posted Tue Aug26, 2008, 11:24 AM — By Orlando Surfer

Jimmy forgot to mention that Ron Jon licensed their name to Surfparks. The recent news is that Ron Jon has pulled back from the deal because of the lack of progress. The project is still moving forward but it is in need of additional funding.

Posted Tue Aug26, 2008, 5:10 PM — By m.

just so you dumbfucks know, ron jon had nothing to do with the park, it's design or it's flaws. the "surfpark inc." boys went to ron jon and asked to use their name to give it "legitimacy" to the surfing world. awesome! blame it on surfparks, not ron jon.

Posted Wed Aug27, 2008, 12:09 PM — By Satan's best friend

it really doesn't matter about ron jon. they are the scum of all surf shops. not one legit surfer has ever in their lives purchased something from one of those hell holes.

Posted Thu Aug28, 2008, 3:47 AM — By i_c_all

Fish workers allege diversion of tsunami funds just hope that this project of tsunami fund "diversion" (read theft maybe?) was stopped in time as its from the same proactive part of surfparks i have been told by a reliable source - there are investigations going on there as well (as the article states) i don't know but something smells werry fishy here and the story is just beginning http://www.hindu.com/2007/10/20/stories/2007102051030200.htm Fish workers allege diversion of tsunami funds or google tsunami fund diversion i wonder if "more money needed" should read "much money diverted? Do surfers really care about being ripped off??? anyway JIMMICANE -do your job

Posted Thu Aug28, 2008, 6:16 PM — By i_c_all

published info -look for your own stupidity cure guarenteed "Kerry: The thing about surfing reefs is that you need a very precise surface because if the reef is full of bumps the wave gets all these ugly discontinuities on the wave face and it really upsets the surfing wave. Narration: Incredibly, the construction process Kerry developed to build Mount Reef made it plan accurate to within ten centimetres. And yes…the locals are stoked with it!" Re: oh yes they are but not happy type stoked http://www.abc.net.au/catalyst/stories/2008/02/21/2168590.htm "At a packed meeting of the Wessex Surf Club, professor Black showed pictures of the Reef on the Gold Coast of Australia , recently completed. His calculations show that the average swell is amplified 250% by the Reef. This would mean that a knee high wave would essentially become overhead! its all good - lets get the versareef fixed ?

Posted Sun Aug31, 2008, 2:41 AM — By kiwi deep throat

u should call tis the South park adventure if anyone one really wants to know the real background and who did take the most money taking for least competent progress -especially you the editor then contact me -I have the inside info on washers costing $100 like in the US military contracts -$200 screws -u know! Those that are sitting with a sore butt and an empty bank account need to know this stuff as its dynamite. Here we say if your butts sore and your wallets empty then you have been "fleeced" by a dark Aussie. Contrary to popular opinion kiwis do not do it with their sheep. (your butt is not sore but you still weigh less)

Posted Wed Jul 1, 2009, 10:57 AM — By shaneo

fuck that place, check out the surf ring at www.surfthering.com. thats where the future of wavepools is. who wants to ride a wave for 15 ft anyway, even if it was barrelling. ud hit the wall before u cld get out. this ring has supposedly got slaters name backing it. and the theory is that 6 waves barrell endlessly,around and around. thered definately be no worries with backwash coz it all flows in one direction, however it can be reversed to make lefts or rights and the shape of the wave and size can also be adjusted. the versareefs a good idea but the pool would have to be 100 meters wide to be worth it. the only thing holdin back the ring concept is funding. so any potential investors shld email kevin@surfthering.com and help get this thing off the ground. thats where the futures at...

Posted Wed Jul29, 2009, 6:18 PM — By B.T.

these kooks still have advertisement on there ronjon surf park bullshit website and the whole thing sounded shady anyways.....but maybe in the future we will actually beable to have one of these surfparks in perfection..

Posted Sat Aug 8, 2009, 9:50 PM — By Jizzy

Yeah kooks isnt the word for it. I live on st augustine beach and ill take me shin to knee highs during the summer..oh wait we got some 3 footers rollin right now,just got back home. holler.

Posted Sat Sep 5, 2009, 11:40 PM — By Nation Wide

OK, I'm 28, I live in Dallas and I've wanted to surf my entire life. Done it twice. Drove 7 hrs to Port Aransas this weekend and its effin board flat. I'm a dorky mechanical engineer and I'm baffled that no one's ever made this idea work... Maybe it's just not profitable, I dunno. I think it would advance the sport & give us poor landlocked squids a chance. I, for one, would put in the time & effort to develop the skill on the pre-packaged waves before "invading" your local break; at least I would know what I was doin when I got there. I would devote my life's work to makin this concept happen - to bring the sport to those who couldn't otherwise reach it, & have enough cash to get me to a real-live break now & again.

Posted Tue Sep 8, 2009, 8:53 PM — By Iron

I always imagined a real wavepool made for surfing bieng at LEAST the size of 4 football feilds, with a super soft bottom, pure or even salt water, and adjustable waves (most wavepools have this, they can adjust for waves to break right or left or even in the middle). Adjustable wave height also, the bigger the pool the bigger the waves could be, I see no reason why it couldn't have pipeline size waves in it. Just think what COULD be done with enough money. If I had Bill Gates type money, I'd take a break from surfing around the world and throw at least $1 billion usd into building the worlds biggest and best wave pool, just for fun. I'd have it just for me and my friends and pro surfers to come surf. What I'm saying is it is possible. Just needs $$$$ and the right people.

Posted Thu Sep10, 2009, 11:48 AM — By allison

seriously Gucci Mane??? you surf? what kind of board do you use? lol

Posted Wed Sep23, 2009, 7:23 AM — By Vegas_Comedian-LarryGJones.com

My Entire plan is blown. My Newest Life long goal WAS to raise/save $10Million to build my own private wave pool here in the Las Vegas desert...And now the wave pool doesn't even work. What Am I going to do with the $120 I have saved? !! : ) See Ya'll in Vegas! You know you NEED a laugh. http://www.LasVegasActs.com The Man of 1002 Voices show

Posted Mon Sep28, 2009, 3:31 PM — By reefhead

this is why I left florida for california

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