Airway Robbery

I had a feeling I was in trouble when I got her. Standing in line for over an hour at the San Diego Airport en route to South Africa this past weekend, I saw my baggage-handling future narrow down to two agents: a pretty Asian lady with a genuine smile and a stout, stone-faced German woman who clearly didn’t see a good fireworks show the night before. Please get the friendly lady, please get the friendly lady, I begged.

“Next in line,” said the German woman while the other lady got stuck answering a last-minute question. Damn. I tried my best to crack jokes and stay upbeat, but she wasn’t having it. “Any other bags to check in?” she said.

“Um, yeah, just my surfboard over there,” I said, pointing to my 8-foot boardbag off to the side (usually a good strategy).

Suddenly, she perked up. “Surfboard?” she said. “How many boards?”

“It’s just one surfboard bag,” I said.

“Yes, but how many boards?”

“It’s one bag.”

“Then let us go see,” she insisted, walking over to my board bag and zipping it open. “Ah, ha!” she said, pawing over my paper-thin, 4-pound 6’1”s. “One, two, sree, four!”

Without saying another word, she marched straight over to the counter and started writing things down. I sauntered back, dreading the verdict. “OK,” she said, showing me her scratch work. “It is 90 dollars for the first board and 180 dollars for each additional board, which makes…” she did the math in front of me just to rub it in. “Six hundred and sirty dollars!” How will you pay for it.

“There’s no way I’m paying that,” I said, defeated.

“Well, that is our policy. There is nothing I can do.”

At this point, it becomes a little hazy. I do remember losing my temper, telling her how much she must enjoy doing this, getting a lot of stares and the German lady finally walking away to talk to her manager or security – I wasn’t sure which. Moments later, a tan, older guy in shirtsleeves walked over. It looked like he might be a surfer, so I pleaded my case. “Hey, I’ve been traveling with multiple boards internationally for over 20 years and I’ve never had a situation like this,” I said. “Really, is there anything we can do here?”

He looked sympathetic, said he’s surfed in Indo and Mauritania (?) before, and admitted the United Airline policy sucked. “I’ve been begging corporate to do it all by weight,” he said, “but policy’s policy.”

Planning on bringing more than one board? Get ready to pay.

I then tried logic. They don’t charge golfers by the club, do they? Or hunters by the gun? This surfboard bag would be exactly the same size whether I had one board or six boards. He acknowledged it all, but still wouldn’t budge. Much. Finally, after a minutes-long standoff, he said, “Look, here’s what we can do. We’ll charge you $200 to Washington Dulles, you can pick up your boards there and deal with South African Airways for the other portion of your flight. How much time do you have in between flights? An hour and 40 minutes? Yeah…well, that should give you enough time.”

He sounded doubtful. But knowing I had no other option, I took it.

Washington Dulles. Inter-terminal people movers that took way too long. Watching every second tick in front of the Oversize Baggage Claim. Then sprinting down the hall and up several flights of stairs with all my gear. I was the last one to check in at the South African counter, the lady took my board without charging me and I OJ’ed the last half-mile to the gate. Drenched in sweat and 17 more hours of flying ahead of me, I didn’t really care because I thought I won the San Diego standoff.

That is, until I arrived in Johannesburg and my boards failed to arrive with me. More delays, more report-filing from a guy who seemed very uninterested and for some reason asked me to repeat every single one of my responses.

And that’s where it stands. It’s three a.m., I’m wide awake and boardless in South Africa and all my only hope is a claim check and a reference number. “Your boards might come tomorrow, maybe Tuesday, who knows?” said the South African airways representative.

Thanks for getting me here, United Airlines. Let’s hope a swell doesn’t arrive.

Reader Comments 

Posted Wed Jul 9, 2008, 11:43 AM — By A reader

Shoulda paid for it and billed Tony Perez!

Posted Wed Jul 9, 2008, 12:29 PM — By James

Congratulations on putting some pants on and actually mentioning the airline! You advertising hungry leeches have never done so in the past 20 years that I have read your mag. Welcome to the new economy. Hawaiian Airlines did the same thing to me in the later 90's. I had 5 boards. Luckily it was only $50 a board back then. The doubling of cost for additional boards is brutal. Eff United. We just need Virgin America to fly all routes. That is an amazing airline across the board....

Posted Wed Jul 9, 2008, 12:42 PM — By Jay

I have a little trick for you guys I use every time after I got screwd one year in the same situation. ............................................... Go to home depot and by some pipe insulation (the large kind). Take two of your best potato chips and duck tape them together with a small strip nose and tail. Then take the pipe insulation and cover both rails and duck tape it to your board nose to tail. Now you look like you have one fat railed board. Airline employees are not going to ask you to unpack the rails of your boards to check if you have a fattie fish or a potato chips. and if they know the difference, they should be sympathetic ............................................. Always works for me.... Even when I bring the big guns down south, I duck tape the potato chips nose to tail and get away with one board. ........................................... Fight the Funk!

Posted Wed Jul 9, 2008, 12:53 PM — By Marcus

They are opening bags to make money. That is the problem! Agreed on what is mentioned above on Virgin Airlines. Branson kicks @ss and provides 1st class service to everyone.

Posted Wed Jul 9, 2008, 2:29 PM — By David

Ive never had a problem with checking my boards but if I ever get ina situation like this Id just pay the fee and give the person checking the boards as much crap and hastle as i can. But this is another way of doin it. =

Posted Wed Jul 9, 2008, 3:07 PM — By Wee Pee

Man, what a bunch of jerks! The nerve of these airlines, enforcing their well-documented policies! And how DARE THEY not fall for your "one bag" ruse! I'm reminded of umpteen trips to the DMV, in which the witless and misinformed roll out ye olde, "But I didn't get that in the mail!" or "That's not fair" as if valid excuses...as if your clever metaphors will sway the apathetic counter agent into unilaterally amending company policy. duh.

Posted Wed Jul 9, 2008, 7:59 PM — By AM

I always use the skycab guys in the front. Give them an extra $40 and you never have trouble, you'll just pay the single board fee. Better than dealing with the monkey's who hate their job at the counter!

Posted Thu Jul10, 2008, 11:38 AM — By Garret

HEY WEE PEE- LET ME GUESS, YOU ARE READING THIS ON YOUR WORK BREAK FROM THE AIRPORT TICKET COUNTER. DEFINITELY A LOW LEVEL KOOK THAT POWER TRIPS AND ENJOYS TACKING ON HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS FOR THE EXTRA OUNCES OF ADDED BOARDS... "DOCUMENTED POLICIES"... I HOPE THE AIRLINE YOU WORK FOR GOES OUT OF BUSINESS NEXT!

Posted Thu Jul10, 2008, 2:33 PM — By Andrew

WEE PEE YOU ARE A KOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I GUESS NOT EVERYONE IS LUCKY ENOUGH AS YOU TO PAY THE FULL FEE PRICE YOU KOOK!!!!!THE AIRLINES ARE ALWAYS FINDING NEW WAYS TO RIP PEOPLE OFF

Posted Thu Jul10, 2008, 3:03 PM — By dirt

pee-wee ....why do you name yourself after your lower little unit???

Posted Thu Jul10, 2008, 6:33 PM — By Jangalian

Yeah, that sucked hard. I seriously am feeling for you. I had this gorgeous August longboard, and flew to Florida (FLORIDA) to join my buddies on an East Coast surf-a-thon. When I got there, I just about ran to baggage to claim my board, and I was so happy to see that oversized bag with my tags on it. That was until I picked it up. I had a bad feeling when I picked it up, and when I unlocked and unzipped the bag, the top half of the bag sagged backwards sadly and just dangled there. They'd snapped it in half. I ended up borrowing a friend's fish, but it was too small, didn't match my bikini, and you all know the jive. It's just not the same. Don't fly USAirways.

Posted Fri Jul11, 2008, 12:25 AM — By james reed

Wee Pee you are an idiot....Probably a toll road lover too. Dic!!

Posted Fri Jul11, 2008, 10:56 AM — By Jangalian

Guys, don't reply to Pee Wee. He's just trying to bait you all into paying attention to him.

Posted Thu Jun18, 2009, 4:20 AM — By air jordan

1.There are lots of ppl who are much more crazy about the air jordan shoes than us worldwider .Most of them try and collect all the new jordan shoes ,not just one

Posted Thu Jun18, 2009, 4:52 AM — By jewelry

jewelry jewelry wholesale

Posted Sun Jun21, 2009, 9:36 AM — By soso

دردشة

Add Comment

Name (Required):

Email (Required, will not be shown to public):

Comment (Required, max chars: 1024):

You have characters left.

Type the characters you see in this picture

 

		THE BEST WAVES! THE BEST SURFERS! THE BEST PHOTOS! AND NOW THE BEST DEAL: SUBSCRIBE TODAY AND GET 1 YEAR OF SURFING MAGAZINE FOR ONLY $12.00! Take advantage of this special offer-act now! GIVE A GIFT
				Email: First Name: Last Name: Address Line 1: Address Line 2: City: State: Zip: Select a payment option: Charge my credit card Bill me later Do you have a promotional coupon code? Enter Code: Please send me special offers and exclusive promotions from Surfing's premiere partners.