The WSL Hates Sharks


Photos: Jimmicane

I’ve always figured it’d be hard to be a veterinarian.

Not because you’d have to study extensively, witness the terror and confusion in the eyes of a dying dog or just sort of touch your hands on cats in general — but because it is so thankless. You’re trying to destroy ailments and extend the lives of these animals, and all they’re doing is freaking out and trying to bite you. Ironic, isn’t it?

Anyway, the WSL doesn’t really “get” irony.

The 2016 Drug Aware Pro Margaret River started today and there were no sharks. Like, not even one. And it wasn’t an act of nature or God 1998 Kelly Slater. It was an act of man. The Jet Skis throttling around the competition area were fitted with super technical shark radars, built to alert the drivers when a beast is prowling below. It is there, on those sonar screens, where the irony exists.

Do you remember last July? I do. Mostly because a shark rammed its face into Mick Fanning’s board during the final of the J-Bay Open and also rammed its stupid face into the biggest story in the WSL/ASP’s history.

Yet here we are in Western Australia with shark radars. Some fucking thank you note that is. Like being a vet, but opposite.

Honestly, what do you think would happen if the NFL decided to start randomly releasing live bears onto the field during games? Do you think the Cleveland Browns VS Tennessee Titans viewership would wane? I don’t. Matter of fact, I think it would increase dramatically.

Let the sharks play, ref. Let them play.

In other news, the last 250 words you just read were kind of bullshit. I care deeply about the welfare of anybody involved in surfing/the world as a whole. The sharks = audience formula is undebatable, but I don’t want to see anybody die.

Still, it’s Round 1. It’s Margaret River. Main Break, no less. Would you have rather read something about Adriano de Souza’s lethal power game or the continuation of Davey Cathels’ quest for his first big result as a rookie. If so, the WSL site is here. Dig in.

I’m just trying to shake a little bit of moisture out of an otherwise dry day of surfing.

Also, here are three actual things. Moist, all of them:

-I hope Courtney Conlogue wins the World Title. She deserves it. It’d be like the female equivalent of Adriano winning.

-Italo Ferreira beat Kanoa Igarashi in the last minute of their heat today. Sounds boring in a sentence, but something struck me about it earlier. There are two ways to win on tour. 1) Be good. And consistent. 2) Be able to land absurd, exciting things on command. Judges, let’s tailor it to 2. Albee agrees.

-It’ll be bigger tomorrow, but probably not big enough to run at The Box or North Point. Wonder what kind of sociopathic angle I’ll have to come up with then. Any ideas?