Tom Brady Is Awful At Surfing

Exclusive: Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady Surf Date

Tom Brady has won four Super Bowls, six conference titles and twenty-two playoff games. But he probably couldn’t make a heat in the Boys division at an ESA contest.

TMZ just posted a photo gallery of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen surfing in Costa Rica. You can, and should, check it out here. But before you do, here are a few observations:

-First, and foremost, Tom’s style is awful. Both in terms of how he dresses and how he surfs — all of it is repulsive. We always figured once you reach a certain level of wealth and eliteness, you have advisors for everything. Tom, we are officially offering to be your surf advisors.

-Step 1: Take that fucking rashguard off!

-Step 2: Buy new boardshorts. Those ones look like they have the built-in mesh underwear. Do they?

-Step 3: That board? Your wife is on a Merrick and you’ve got this Chinese popout looking longboard? Do better.

-Costa Rica. Of course. Costa Rica.

-Doesn’t Marcus Mariota surf? Is he better than Brady? They should have a surf off.

-Actually, no they shouldn’t. That’d be like Andrew Doheny and Dane Reynolds both quarterbacking flag football teams. Gross!

-The post is over now.