Whip It

posted by / News / January 27, 2010

dane-whip

Dane Reynolds new ride
By Chas Smith

“Dane Reynolds just bought a Volvo. Used.” Travis Ferré tells me over the phone while pushing his 1986 Pontiac Fiero hard on the PCH between Dana Point and Laguna Beach. I can hear its throaty engine roar. His is a 2-door fastback. 2.5 liters. 5-speed Getrag 282 manual. After market windshield wipers. After market rims. It’s what happens when someone has style.

And I become so upset that I slam my intolerably cheap cellular next to my third caipirinha. The battery disconnects and slides across the Cha Cha Lounge bar. A barback glares. Mine is a Boost Mobile Motorolla i290 pay as I go. It’s what happens when gypsies steal Blackberries and run up bills.

Dane. Volvo. Why? The child is rich. The child is fabulous. Why must he settle for a car that vegetarians love? Why must he put safety first?

I reconnect my battery, check my balance, and call him.

“Why are you scared of BMW? I hear you just got an older Volvo. Why not a styley Lotus? Or a vintage Ferrari? Or an Austin-Healey bug eye Sprite? There are so many great cars! Volvo ain’t one.”

Dane chuckles, as is his want. “The Volvo? I hate car as a status symbol. Yeah you make money? Great. Nice Mercedes! I went and sat in a few Toyotas and Saturns or whatever but they feel like plastic. I liked the idea of buying a car that already existed. I don’t want to support the car industry. I looked through the classifieds, wanted a Honda, but this Volvo came up. Low miles. Bought it.”

“Honda?” I think to myself but continue “I get it, about many new cars being shit. BUT what about a hot mid 80s DeLorean?. DMC was good enough for Michael J. Fox, why not you?

Dane pauses. Doesn’t care. “Yeah” he responds.

“What do you go for, in terms of status symbols?” I ask.

“Chains made of gold with two carat diamonds” he responds.

“Getting back to your car,” I say, “Would you send me a picture?”

“Sure, I’ll go take one” he tells me. “There is some sort of farmer’s market by my house. Sucks. I wish the U.S. knew that we are in a post-agricultural era.”
Later, after an unfortunate evening spent at downtown LA’s Bordello, I open my inbox and see it.

Candy red, slammed to the ground with 22-inch low profile tires. Mag rims. The roof is chopped to a totally illegal 12 inches. White leather interior.
Kanye West raps, with vigor, on Jay-Z’s Run This Town (feat. Rihanna), “It’s crazy how you can go from being Joe Blow to everybody on your dick, no homo. I bought my whole family whips, no Volvos. Next time I’m in church please no photos.”

Kanye has no idea what he is talking about these days! But Dane Reynolds does. Safety first!

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Head to Marine Layer Productions to watch the clip, Midnight Blue Part II.

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  • http://www.kyliecouric.com Kylie Couric

    ooooh weee! talk about surf mobile, hot wheels, and style! well, surfers are really cool dude. i’ve got a couple of surfer friends, though they go for simplicity, they do it with a bang. am i making sense? anyhoo, nice ride! :)

  • Da Truth

    Chas,

    You need to move on to a new template for your musings. A man with your seering intellect must be able to do better than a random collection of name drops, trendy club name drops, and a few moments of homoeroticism.

    Here’s a pitch for a real surf story. How about you and your buddy cruise up to surf some of the well-known world class beach breaks in Dane’s area in the Pontiac Fiero and pull some of your antics with the locals?

    Here’s an outline to get you started writing the story. We pulled up and got our asses kicked in the parking lot. We paddled out and my non-surfing ass took some more beatings (actually I never made it out the back). We walked back to the car and the tires on the Fiero were flat. We had to call a tow truck and the locals heckled us some more in the parking lot.

    How about it? A Hollywood insider like you should be able to get someone to document the whole thing.

  • IDAKNOWONLYBEEN20YEARS

    really Dane can pretty much surf on anything.

  • Nic

    Good for you man, good for you! That is a great car. That B230 motor is bullet proof. Take car of her and she’ll reciprocate.