This was the hardest team I’ve ever tried to pick, so I ended up just putting my favorite surfers on until I ran out of budget. Are you kidding me? Keramas! I really wish we could be watching Andy Irons in this event. The shit he was doing in Trilogy… it makes me want to cry. Then again, think about everyone’s video sections out here. It’s always the cream of the crop, which is why the hype for this event is so jacked up.
I’ll be posted up at Komune, living 5-star like Gucci Mane, smokin’ hot surf wives and Bintangs littering the poolside.
Ever since it’s been deemed officially not gay to jerk off to Kelly Slater’s surfing on June 12, 2013, people have been relieved all over the world. There’s no explanation for the shit this guy was doing in Fiji. Seriously, that was the most fun webcast to watch since, well, last year when Slater was doing the same thing.
I’m automatically putting Kelly on because this is an event he’s never won before, obviously, because there’s never been a WCT here. Slater has to win for that reason alone. The guy leaves no surf break un-ravaged by his Channel Islands swords.
A little known tidbit is that O’Neill had an option with Jordy’s contract at the end of 2012. They could extend him for five more years, or they could let him walk and relieve his huge salary from their marketing budget.
Word is, that Oakley came in with an absurdly high offer for Jordy to go head-to-toe, and O’Neill contemplated letting him ride. Then of course John John went to Hurley and someone smart at O’Neill said, “Hell no, we aren’t letting him bail. We’re keeping the most fearsome non-lion in South Africa in his cage at least till 2017!”
This decision will specifically pay off at the Oakley Pro Bali, where Jordy will smoke everyone with his unmatched frontside attack. Of course that freakish 41 year old could always come in and use superior mind-power to shrink the 6’2″ Smith into a Glen Hall sized struggler, but I have to put my money on this bru.
Taj or Parko? Parko or Taj? I literally battled this decision in my head for three minutes. If you think about this kind of shit for more than three minutes, you’re probably also one of those people who is never ready to order when a server comes to your table. How annoying you must be!
I picked Taj cause he owns a house here and I’m recalling in my head the countless amount of video sections he’s exported from this very location. Am I confident that he’ll do better than Parko? Definitely not, but I’d rather see him win and that’s why this is Passion Picks.
John John Florence
Surprisingly someone who hasn’t had any memorable footage from Keramas, which makes me that much more excited to see what he will do out there. Whatever it is, I’m positive we’ll all be in for a treat.
Bonus enjoyment may very well come from a new edit from Blake Kueny featuring his free-surfs while here. Fingers crossed it’s not another Imagine Dragons song that gets stuck in our heads all day though. How bout some Juicy J instead, Blake?
If you watch his old signature vid Scratching the Surface, you will notice how hard Julian is killing this place. You will also notice that Dusty Payne kinda takes him out, just like Eminem does to Jay-Z on his song “Renegade.” Both were good, but it’s always embarrassing to get murdered on your own shit.
Don’t think Julian’s forgotten this. He’s gonna want payback in the form of winning, and maybe even a 540 ally oop if we get lucky.
New to Passion Picks: Who not to pick!
Bruce Irons: If you think Bruce Irons will do anything in this contest, you are still living in the Magna Plasm days. There’s a 50% chance he shows up for his heat and a 25% chance he lands a single maneuver in said heat. Even “Floridian elementary math” students can understand those bad percentages. Love this guy, but Bali just does not yield success for him.
Kai Otton: Can you picture a scenario where he advances a round? Neither can I. It’d be a let down to say the least.
Glen Hall: He got a helicopter ride out of Fiji with fractures in vertebrae’s L 2, 3 and 4. That’s scary shit. We all wish him the best on a speedy recovery.
Alejo Muniz: Is he still on tour? I can’t remember him surfing a heat this year so far.
Kieren Perrow: Unless there’s a giant swell and it turns into a barrel-fest… hopeless.