A Video For The Wave Pool In Texas And A Brief Rant

Pray for the children

Screen Shot 2015-10-05 at 4.58.26 PMClick the image or this link to watch the video.

My grandmother would occasionally tell me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” She was very sweet, very old-fashioned, an Irish Catholic, her favorite candy was peppermint. She would not be proud of me.

Here’s a video and here’s something I’ll say about it: It is such a piece of shit.

It should come as no surprise that a “SURF PARK” in “Austin, Texas” would release a video meant to stroke the fantasies of the general public. Where else would they aim their marketing? At the construction workers who drive beat up Fords to religiously surf some reef, somewhere? Like hey, come do four angry man turns and get a $5 sandwich on your lunch break here at the SURF PARK? Fuck no. They need to cater to the pale masses. The ones with more money than imagination. They need to create a dream, convince these people its theirs, then sell it to them and charge ’em for an overpriced Pepsi on the way out. Nobody builds a wave pool to not get rich.

Sorry Nana. But this video feels like a viagra commercial mixed with an intentionally diverse college brochure mixed with a feral dog dying alone in the woods.

With that said, I do think the wave pool will actually be fun. By all accounts — like this one from Albee Layer — the Surf Snowdonia in Wales is quite a joy. This one’s supposed to be bigger and better, and I’m sure it will be a hell of a lot more fun than the shitty, windy beachbreak I surfed last night. Austin’s SURF PARK (it’s not as fun in lower case) will be great, I’m sure, and it will probably push surfing to new places.

It’s just that videos like this make me wonder where those places are.—Brendan Buckley