Thanksgiving is around the corner and, more importantly, Black Friday is too. It is the day that Americans join hands at Best Buy, Target, Apple Stores, Hollister and prop up the world’s economy through our sheer conspicuous consumption. How totally festive. How rah rah patriotic. And, frankly, we’ve never needed a solid Black Friday more as America, nay the world, speeds toward the fiscal cliff. We need brother and sister American to spend, spend, spend.
In order to drive this spending, brands and stores are turning, increasingly, to the surf world. Dodge Ram commercials show a woman running through the Venice pier after a shred. Chanel uses Danny Fuller as the face of Chanel’s Allure Homme Sport eau Extreme. The Hollister store on New York’s 5th Avenue has a gigantic video monitor as its façade live streaming Huntington Beach 24 hours a day. Surf sells.
And while sometimes the brands and stores get it right (Danny Fuller’s Chanel spots, directed by Academy Award winner Kathryn Bigelow, are very fine) they most often get it wrong. Surf, in Madison Avenue/Hollywood hands, is an ugly mélange of funboards, spring suits, unfortunate “dude, hang ten” lingo. Surf becomes the same as rollerblading, or at least wakeboarding.
I am tired of seeing my love bastardized by the uncouth all the way down to the soles of my Comme des Garcons x Converse collab shoes and am, therefore, doing something about it. I am officially founding the International Brotherhood of Surfers Demanding Sexy Representation. IBofSDSR will meet monthly on conference call and either give our stamp of approval to a brand (a small sticker reading “aloha approved”) or call for a boycott. Riches or bankruptcy will follow. We will examine music choices, board choices, if the person in the advertisement or commercial is holding the board wax side to body or wax side out, if she is surfing at the Venice pier etc. We will examine all facets of how our love is depicted.
The International Brotherhood will include Peter Mel, Josh Kerr, CJ Hobgood, Matt Biolos, Geoff Moysa, Luke Davis, Kai(borg) Garcia, Leonardo Fioravanti, Mike Hynson and Heitor Alves. An eclectic blend that will guarantee sexy representation for all surfers, for surfers like you.
Go boldly, therefore, into stores looking for the “aloha approved” sticker and rescue America, nay the world, from the fiscal cliff. Happy shopping. And you are welcome.