New York Noise Vol. 1: Dion and Warren get Raped by NYC

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Proxy Noise by Warren Smith and Dion Agius

Words and Photos by Dion Agius and Warren Smith

My life is messy and I apologize for the smell. I moved to New York with my friend Dion Agius. My backbone is wilted into a frail spaghetti noodle and my eyes are burned dry from not being prepared for this party. I now have a pale face and blisters on my sleepy feet. I am also fat. Dion complains of possible cellulite forming on his ribs. “Man I think I can feel cellulite forming on my ribs,” he said.

I’ve been here for a month and seen more sunrises than sunsets. You’re gonna need to think about that for it to make sense. Disappearing into poisonous vapors is now a possibility. We’re not proud of this behavior, but it’s not our fault. We blame New York. New York won’t allow you to not — not play, not partake, not meet people, not go out. Too many things to see to not see them. To many things to do to not do them.

Here’s a list of all the cool things we’ve done:

Warren and Dion Jay Walking.Got a ticket for drinking in the street. Photo by Nick LaVecchia

Warren SmithWarren ran face first into a pole while attempting to walk and text.

Warren Smith Crossroads
Both got yelled at by a hipster for not know what Stumptown coffee was*.

(Editor’s Note: Stumptown is unofficially the official coffee of the SURFING Magazine office staff.)

NYC MusicMusic is food for the soulSaw a bazillion good live bands already, Vivian Girls, Beirut, Tame Impala, Sic Alps, Woods, Real Estate, Reading Rainbow, Family Trees, Delorean, Tan Lines, Glasser, Woom, Deerhoof (do a Joy Division cover set), Wavves, The Dream

Neon LightsEcstasymud wrestlingWent to a semi-gay neon rainbow bright rave where we saw a topless girl with mud on her back perform oral on her man friend in the middle of the dance floor.

Warren and Dion's denLived in a crack den for a week without the landlord knowing.

BricksGot kicked out of a crack den by the landlord for living in his crack den for a week without him knowing.

Shoes meet their death.NYC SkylineNYC Bridge Dion met Kevin Rudd (ex-prime minister of Oz) at the MOMA.

NYC HeatWarren got hit on by a gay boy also named Warren.

SunriseSat next to Lady Gaga at a Smiths/Morrissey dance night while she played spin the bottle with her posse of gay friends.

artshowSaw art and other neato things of cultural importance.


Semi Gay?Neon SignSaw two guys kissing in front of a neon penis sign.

Warren Smith captures the moment.FencingWarhol's influence lives on. Campbells cans.artConesWe almost went surfing.

Buns.But who are we kidding?

We’re not really sure how long we’ll be here. The bad news is we might die. The good news is we started a photo blog of our stay here, PROXYNOISE.COM. I hope we don’t die so you can look at some of our photos. We’re also working on something of particular importance. Well, not that important. But that’s for later. I’ll leave you a with a Sonics song that is of some relevance I suppose. It’s about drinking poison.

Related Articles:

New York Noise Vol. 2: Dion and Warren’s New Friends
August 4, 2010

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