This was pulled from the grave of That’s Bullshit! It was written a year ago, before I made the change in my life to be positive. Please excuse any negativity that lies ahead. —Jimmicane
I was watching Loose Change the other day and came upon the wipeout section. How good is this?! There’s nothing better than laughing at other people’s misfortune, and there’s no better way to do that than watching fast-cut, strung-together people eating shit while surfing.
When did the wipeout section become too lame for surf videos? I know it wasn’t just a Taylor Steele thing. Kevin Welsh used to include similarly brilliant segments. Seemed like most videos used to have one, actually. Where are people stashing all the good flails from the world’s best (and worst) surfers? I want to know. Is Kai Neville too cool for wipeouts? Definitely not, considering he put plenty of no-pulls in Modern Collective, but they were more of the holy-fuck-he-really-tried- to-pull-that type as opposed to the holy-hell-that-was-hilarious type.
Head over heals lip service. Conner Coffin. Photo: Carey
Here’s my favorite people to watch wipe out:
- The Hobgoods: Any seasoned surf video veteran knows these guys’ relationship with disastrous spills. They tended to show up and dominate wipeout sections every time. But why do people who surf this good have so many mishaps? I guess they just put themselves in weird situations by being confident that they can pull crazy shit off. Or maybe because there’s two of them so it seems like they eat double the shit? That makes sense.
- Andy Irons: I remember one particularly hilarious mistake in the credits of Momentum: Under the Influence where Andy does a full front flip at Pit Stops in Indo. It was one of the single funniest blunders I’ve ever seen and I rewound it countless times. It never gets old.
- Sterling Spencer: The Assassin didn’t get this controversial nickname for nothing. That attack on a dude who dropped in on him at Lowers was an instant classic! He aired onto the guy’s back for Christ’s sake! Too bad Sterling had to take it off the interweb because of the threat of being sued. I asked him if we could bring it back just for this post. His take: “People are just starting to like me again though.” Can’t argue with him there. Folks hated The Assassin.
- Alejandro Moreda: You might not be too familiar with him but this Puerto Rican has no regard for his personal well-being. I swear he doesn’t think. He just reacts. Unfortunately for Alejandro, normally it’s too late by that time and he’s getting pitched or caught inside by a 20-foot closeout. Lucky us!
- Bruce Irons: It’s kind of like the same thing as the Hobgoods. So much confidence that it’s bound to turn bad eventually. Long lulls in between surf sessions can’t help.
- Any Stand-Up Paddle Boarders: Unlike the surfers listed above, I just personally dislike these people while in the lineup, so I enjoy seeing them fall. I don’t necessarily wish they get hurt, but if it helps deter them from ever paddling out on those heinous objects again (at least for the purpose of catching waves and not exercise), than sure, why not? I would have not one problem watching them take that $1,000 titanium paddle to the grill while going over the falls.
- Myself: There’s something satisfying about getting pitched in a contorted position. When it happens to you, all you can really do is laugh at yourself and think of how much someone just enjoyed watching that. Nothing compares to launching yourself with the lip in front of your best friends. It’s so unselfish.
Laura Enever’s best flying squirrel impression. Photo: Lawrence
Let’s bring back the wipeout sections! Kai Neville is in the office right now. I just told him. [This was one year ago, I’ll remind you.]
If he doesn’t put a wipeout section in Lost Atlas, that’ll be bullshit. I’ll find out for you tomorrow when I watch the masterpiece. —Jimmicane