Very Little Surfing, Very Much Rumor

Josh Kerr. Photo: Corey WilsonThe wave behind Josh Kerr’s boat was better than the waves at Snapper today. Here’s proof. Photo: Corey Wilson

I have seen the drummer from the Foo Fighters play classic rock covers to an audience of a thousand or so almost drunk Australians swaying in the heat of an ozone-less afternoon sun. I have seen grown men stung halfway to tears by the sadistic tentacles of a blue bottle stupid dickhead jellyfish. I have seen men too drunk to walk and women too drunk to care and one time, I gave a young man with a bad silver necklace a boost to climb over not only the wall at Coolangatta’s Komune resort, but also the impossible line that slithered around that concrete monstrosity. I have seen many things, but I have not seen one man lose in the 2015 Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast.

There are now four more iffy days of swell left in the waiting period. That’s more than enough time for another sting and another Rolling Stones cover, but we’re not looking for another clumsy rendition of Beast of Burden. We’re here for a champion, and the notion of crowning that champion within the original waiting period is growing more and more farfetched with each note of ditzy techno vibrating through the tall speakers of Komune. The buzziest rumor is that the waiting period will be extended by two days and that the contest will end in a heaven-sent cyclone swell on Friday. Naturally, that theory is followed with the old I heard it would cost them an additional $100K per day to do that! Nobody knows exactly who they are or where that $200K would go. Heaven, if you’re listening, just write the check to my name and call Qantas and change my ticket and make that huddle of rain showers in Indonesia actually mature into a cyclone and send that matured cyclone (safely!) this way and, hell, could you grab another bottle of shiraz while you’re out? Much appreciated.