Dream Team

Oh what a frenzy it was. Not since Andy’s conspicuous fall from grace have surf journalists had something truly newsworthy to sink their dull little teeth into. Kelly’s Tour! Death to the ASP! Which journo would finally be the first to receive the Pulitzer Prize for Investigative Reporting in Action Sports? Implausible question — sorry. Truth is that in the wake of a glorious Billabong Pro J-Bay that had us all recollecting the phrase “Dream Tour,” the dust has begun to settle and we’ve learned…well, not really shit. The bottom line is the fruit is ripe. Has been for a long time. Sure, J-Bay fired, but that’s not enough to get us through another Hang Loose Santa Catarina online disaster. Change, after all, has swept through even the daft and passé cul-de-sacs of Red America, so why not professional surfing? So to carry on with the last few weeks of mostly useless probing, we offer you the Tour that could/should be. If you don’t like our picks, speak up — let’s hear yours. —Andrew Lewis

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Reader Comments 

Posted Thu Jul23, 2009, 12:09 PM — By Knuckle from Bishop

Don't kid your self...Dane rips on a fishcuit. In fact Dane rips on anything he rides.

Posted Thu Jul23, 2009, 5:08 PM — By trent

mitch coleburn are you kidding me? get off the modern collectives tip for a second and look at the company your putting that one trick pony up against. you'd just as well nominate Dion Agiu. Dont get me wrong those guys rip but come on, mitch coleburn, really?

Posted Thu Jul23, 2009, 5:14 PM — By andy

Kekoa, what the heck? Kookoa what happened to De Souza? Looks like Kelly's white/world tour at the moment

Posted Thu Jul23, 2009, 6:56 PM — By Jimmicane

Trent, wait till you actually see the guy in some new footage. If you still don't think he's deserving after the his part in the new BS Volcom video, then you're argument will be completely valid. All we know is what we see and when it comes to crazy sequences and great photos coming into the mag, Mitch is beating everyone. Hardly a one trick pony. By the way Dion does some sick airs or whatever but he would never even be in the conversation with these guys. Yadin, Desouza, Kerr, Goodall are a few that would be awesome but we picked Kekoa strictly to add that power surfing element into this tour. Can't have all tail flickers right?

Posted Thu Jul23, 2009, 7:26 PM — By Ball Rash

Come on Jimmy, Mitch Coleburn, your spread of that guy doing a Butt Turn a few issues back was a stomach acher, this guy is just like any other local pro that can do crazy airs, the surf industry is turning into a saturated, dog leash led full of bullshit ass kicking slim bucket of crap. This guy gets a few sick photos and now he is a "Surfing Nominee for SLATER DREAM TOUR"?????? Pack some tubes already and do something, Who is who to say what is what???????????

Posted Thu Jul23, 2009, 7:22 PM — By john

A lot on the line for Dane ? Like What ? Silly Caption. Is that you Taras ?

Posted Thu Jul23, 2009, 8:15 PM — By Jimmicane

I'm just saying, wait till you see some new footage of him. "Pack some tubes?" I'm guessing you weren't in Hawaii last year. He was out getting shacked at pipe every day. He has the power turns down. Has a fin ditch backside hack that no one else is doing. I think you'll change your mind soon. there's nothing else I can tell you. I sit in an office and pay attention to what surfers are ripping. The guy is really really good.

Posted Thu Jul23, 2009, 8:51 PM — By Jason Halstead

Jimmy, how sad and pathetic is your life man? How the fuck can you promote Kelly's Bro-Dog Invite Tour? Is it because you're both from the East Coast? Is it because it gives you a chance to rant against the ASP after you pitched a fit in Sebastian Inlet over Mike Losness? No, you're a sick, sad, pathetic man Jimmy who's photography is mediocre at best and who's literary talent remains a sad stain on the underpants of Florida's education system. Go kill yourself.

Posted Thu Jul23, 2009, 11:59 PM — By Bob

Jason, flake off, how can anyone's "talent" or lack thereof be a stain on an education system? Come back after you learn the distinction between talent and skill. That having been said, I do think Jimmi's kooking it on some of these picks. The only reason the Hobgoods belong is because they can do some radical stuff when not riding their too-long ASP boards. (Bruce would even belong if he'd agree to ride a long-Enough tri... wouldn't hurt Jordy either.) But Kekoa, Julian, and even Owen are best left to the ASP. The best waves are far from the best for airs, and I'd much rather watch Adam Robertson or Sean Holmes in good waves than I would those types, or even than I would Parko, whose off-the-lips do NOT have great style or power. But I'd forgotten about Marzo; good call. But then Ray Crikey would have to be on there too, and I'd leave Bobby off cuz - and the same goes for Parko - there are guys just as smooth who get a little wilder.

Posted Fri Jul24, 2009, 12:11 AM — By Bob

So my crop would be Mick, Dane, Kelly, Andy, Jordy, Bruce*, Marzo, Craike, Adam Robertson, Sean Holmes, CJ*, Damian*. *(If they'd ride better-too-watch board lengths and there was a contest at Pipe and/or Chopes.) Every one of these guys charges powerful waves, and Crikey and Marzo can make that Julian Wilson stuff look like it matters, by doing it in 6-8' surf (though it still wouldn't matter if they did it the way Julian does).

Posted Fri Jul24, 2009, 4:34 AM — By Jimmicane

Wow. That's some serious hatred over an online lightbox that is completely hypothetical and for entertainment only. And I also didn't make this list but I do agree with it for the most part.

Posted Fri Jul24, 2009, 11:55 AM — By Keith

Yeah, the hatred is a little extreme, but Jummy, your argument was "I also didn't make this list but I do agree with it".....what's your point then? I'm a big fan of the Lightbox section, but personally, I'm a little sick of the media on Kelly's jock all the time. Phenomenal surfer, but he's done some of the worst things ever (SURFERS album, Baywatch, K-Grip, Fiji Invitational, etc.), and now he is trying to keep the spotlight on himself by started some lame-ass invite tour. It's pretty pathetic that he wouldn't give back to the WCT.

Posted Fri Jul24, 2009, 1:24 PM — By wow

Everyone breathe. This is fucking silly. What happened to a good debate? You don't like the picks then let's hear your picks and discuss. We're all adults here....I think? Telling people to go kill themselves is a little extreme over some silly little Lightbox.

Posted Fri Jul24, 2009, 1:22 PM — By Bob

This "pathetic" business is a little extreme, as well. I'm sick of watching kook style on the CT, and seeing not particularly skillful tube rides trump everything. Kelly does not owe the ASP anything; he's held up his end. I for one wouldn't mind a tour that features a good possibility of amazing, pleasant to watch surfing every heat... and has few enough surfers that they can stick to good conditions, and has long enough heats that they get at least two set waves. And if big corporate sponsorship brings surf style to middle America, and the coasts get infiltrated with some inspired inlanders who haven't idealized their local hopper, so be it. But rarely does non-democratic elite athletic grace invite too much participation anyway(fanboys will always gravitate toward UFC type crap til they get their ass kicked by a boxer). But there's room for real excellence; I wouldn't mind if Kelly tried to pull it off (and worked on his style a little in the process).

Posted Fri Jul24, 2009, 11:51 PM — By Ball Rash

I just wanna know how many Bro - Brah's lick each others balls in the surf industry.... Be urselves already, quit listening to someones story and saying, "Oh Yeah, I heard that or I know that, when really you could give a F*%K what the person or people are saying.... Jimmy u may be better off with just your photos instead of your opinion or what the guy in the next office room told you to write.....

Posted Sat Jul25, 2009, 2:16 AM — By Mik

Clay Marzo is the most radical, and maybe the best surfer on the planet. It's really unfortunate that he was put under the media microscope regarding his "psyche" challenge, because we all have them. Focus on his surfing and he has Occy's power, Kelley's flexibility and quickness, and Dane's inventiveness in the air. I haven't seen him do what Andy Irons does in heavy water yet, but man, this guy is talented. Once he grows accustomed to the tour scene, watch out! I think people have marginalized him for things that have nothing to do with his surfing performance. If you just watch him go off, there is no doubt he is an upper eschelon superstar.

Posted Sat Jul25, 2009, 3:56 AM — By Laurie Morgan

With all the drama adout Slaters Dream tour on ESPN. This is my Dreamtour. Simon Andersons team 747 jet taxis next to Al Merricks Airbus 380 at Cooloangattta airport. Al Merrick is finishing off a few boards for his team in the custom made shaping bay of the Airbus 380. Al is worried about media spys leaking vidoes of his team new moves and new boards. All the other major board makers RUSTY, DHD, JS , HEYMAN, WINTON, BYRNE team 747 jets are already parked. Multimillionare Simon is excited about the 1st ASP event of the year, the AL MERRICK Pro at Snapper Rocks, but he is stilled pissed off he dropped the event for a fickle left in Spain. Simon and his team have spent the last 2 months on his private island in Indonesia working on new moves and new boards. The media is buzzing with rumours of new moves his team have been working,but Simon is giving nothing away, with a wait and see attitude to the media. Al Merricks USA team is the favourite for the ASP event, with team manager Kelly Slater working th

Posted Sat Jul25, 2009, 4:05 AM — By Laurie Morgan

With all the drama adout Slaters Dream tour on ESPN. This is my Dreamtour. Simon Andersons team 747 jet taxis next to Al Merricks Airbus 380 at Cooloangattta airport. All the other major board makers RUSTY, DHD, JS , HEYMAN, WINTON, BYRNE team 747 jets are already parked. The media is buzzing with rumours of new moves the teams have been working on Al Merricks USA team is the favourite for the first ASP event, with team manager Kelly Slater working the media into a frenzy by dropping hints about new moves his team are working on. The free surfing before the event at Dbah beach as usual is safe and conservative by all teams, no one showing new moves or new boards. The event starts with perfect 4-5ft south swell, offshore winds. The ASP judgeing rules for the day are a min two aeirals one new move plus tube rides per wave to score out of 10. From the opening heats the surfing is MINDBLOWING, super fast high performance, new moves are made and claimed. The four day event is a showcase of future surfing

Posted Sat Jul25, 2009, 1:26 PM — By Rick Rock

Haha, I came on here expecting to enjoy another LB section, then get to the comments section to find another Kelly/ASP clash argument. Unbelievable. Basically, Slater came out early this year and bitched about ASP (ingrate considering the success he's had from it) then lined up next to this rival tour. Reports came out, then fans trashed it, the surfers trashed it, then he's side-stepped away from it, claiming he's just the messenger and it's his manager's thing...pussy. Frankly, Jimmy's gay little rants are like the East Coast, illiterate version of PostSurf's Lewis Samuels. Both authors have no clue, and spout hate and complaints just to get a rise out of their fanbase. It's tabloid journalism and continues to be the death rattle to any slice of integrity that the surf media ever had. Disappointed

Posted Sat Jul25, 2009, 2:56 PM — By Concerns

The two people involved with this (not including Slater who seems to be running as far and fast away from this bomb as he can) are Terry Hardy and Matthew Tinley. Terry is Kelly's sleazy manager the guy who pushed those shitty traction companies that failed, Slater's shitty album which failed, and Slater's shitty celebrity invitational which failed). Matthew Tinley is the former CEO of America Presents - a former boxing promotional company which failed and is largely responsible for the decline and current failing of professional boxing. Frankly, I don't really care either way, but if I did, I wouldn't want them anywhere near professional surfing. Kelly should keep running the other way as fast as he can.

Posted Sat Jul25, 2009, 5:03 PM — By Trevor

I've heard this too about Terry and Matthew. Sounds like some shady shit to me. I hope Kelly decides to work with the other surfers. It would suck to see everyone broken into different tours.

Posted Sun Jul26, 2009, 12:12 PM — By anonymous

What has Kelly accomplished outside of 9 ASP World Titles? Kelly is a phenomenal surfer and a draw and great for the sport. However, without the 9 titles validating his dominance, would we really have considered him the best surfer every year for the past 20 years? I don't know. They way we hype everyone up and so on and so forth, it's possible that the accolade of "World's Best" may have gone to Taj one year, or Parko and Mick earlier than their titles came, or Machado, or Dane, or Jordy. ASP has made Kelly and Kelly has made the ASP...but when he's done, does that mean competitive surfing is done? I don't think so. There are so many talented surfers in the world and so many up-and-comers. I find it hard to believe that Kelly is the end all be all. I think the new concept has some merit, ESPN and increased prize money, but diluting the world's best surfers by making some surf on the WCT and some surf on Kelly's exhibition tour is a bad idea. I'd really like to see Ke

Posted Sun Jul26, 2009, 9:31 PM — By Bretto

A buncha squabling old hens...a popularity list sends you guys right back to your high school yearbook days. Step back and look at the big picture: the surf industry has dropped the ball on pro surfing in a big way in their short-sighted haste to line their own pockets. With the counter culture lifestyle and sex appeal angles, the adventure angle...a world pro tour is a no-brainer of a gold mine. Squandered. They've all cashed in and settled for a piecemeal sacking of the sport. ASP is too conservative and moves too slow, besides, everyone knows surfers can't run do-do! Stop trying to crucify Kelly and whoever else for taking a run at these schmoes.

Posted Sun Jul26, 2009, 9:52 PM — By Meyer

The list looks good to me... But dont forget Bruce, Cory, Wardo, Simpo, etc. I guess you'd have to have like alternates, wild-cards, and trials though just to mix it up a little.

Posted Mon Jul27, 2009, 5:45 AM — By cha

Jamie O...

Posted Mon Jul27, 2009, 10:04 AM — By dan

proof that surfing does not fit well into competitive structures. and after slater considers all the variables, short comings, restrictions, venues, politics---he'll be lucky to have a tour as good as what is already there. instead of a radical departure, why not cut the dream tour to half the number of surfers? afterall, seeing the better guys surf more is the idea.

Posted Tue Jul28, 2009, 6:27 AM — By Molo

Jimicane- That's right- we don't need any more tail squibbling fairies. We've lost touch with power surfing and were celebrating gay ass tail slides. The kids need to go hard and put it on rail- and keep it on rail as long as possible. Speed and power and style- no more kick flip air slide tail flick gayness.

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