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Meet Tereza Kacerova

Do you love J.K. Rowling and her books? Neither do I! But Tereza Kacerova does and now both you and I have a direct route to her heart. It’s simple. Just go to your local Barnes And Noble and buy the latest issue of SURFING Magazine (for fun) and a Harry Potter book. Or if you’re poor, go to your local elementary school and steal one from a student — all is fair in love and war. Then find Tereza, preferably in a relaxed state, ideally in a lounge chair. Plop down next to her and begin to read your Harry Potter. After 20 minutes or so, slam the book shut in disbelief and exclaim “J.K. Rowling, wow, I can’t even begin to… She’s just so… And the wizardry… Do.. Do you want to get a drink?” She’ll bat her eyes and say yes. Pay for her drink, have an enthusiastic and inquisitive conversation, take her on dates, be compatible, be funny, be flexible, feel the fleecy blanket of love embrace and capsulate both of you, ask her to move in together after nine months, and to marry you after thirty-six months, say I do in front of a priest, have children, navigate the stresses of parenthood, adulthood, marriage, and real life in general while maintaining a level-headed and loving composure. Then her heart will forever be yours.

Maybe it’s not as simple as I thought. This video is cool though, right? —Brendan Buckley

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